The Days' Dewings

I have moved...

2010-03-16T08:20:00.001-05:00

my blog, that is. Not our family.

Here is the new home of the Days' Dewings.

See ya all there!

The real me

2010-03-12T09:35:00.004-06:00

I got dressed in the semi-darkness this morning. I reached for what I thought was my tan button down shirt and proceeded to get dressed. I went along my merry way, coming down stairs and getting children dressed. At some point, I glanced at the cuff of my shirt and noticed a grease stain. "That's weird," I said to myself. "My lavender shirt has the same stain. I didn't know this one did too." But I went on with getting breakfast finished and the thought went out of my head.

It was while I was sitting down at breakfast, a good..I don't know... hour after getting dressed, that I noticed something. I was talking to Malachi, who sits right next to me at the table, when my brain finally registered what I was seeing. I was wearing my lavender shirt. The one with the grease stain on the cuff. Yeah, that one. It completely didn't go with my jumper. Not even close. It fact, it looked really, really bad.

I'm wondering how I could have gone for at least an hour in a good amount of light and not noticed what I was wearing. I could defiantly see my arms, but some how it still alluded my brain. So after breakfast, I went back upstairs and changed my shirt. I looks much better now.

So why did I post such a silly thing for all to read who want to? Well, I suppose it's because I want people to see and know that I'm real. I do stupid things (and trust me, I have a lot more that were far stupider than this!). I do silly things. I have moments where all you can do is roll your eyes and shake your head from side to side ( like the other day, when I know what that gluten poison stuff is going to do to me, but I give in anyway and eat the Oreo, the yogurt covered pretzel and the chocolate coated graham cracker. All I had was 1 each, yet I had a horrible head ache the next day, was very lethargic and quite tired. Yeah, I know. Dumb.).

*sigh* Yep, I real folks. Horribly, sinfully real. Oreos' and all.

The real me

2010-03-12T09:35:00.001-06:00

A dimes worth of something

2010-03-11T14:07:00.001-06:00

"I payed a dime for a package of seeds;

The clerk tossed them out with a flip.

'We have them assorted to every man's needs.'

He said with a smile on his lip.

'Pansies, poppies, asters, peas,

Ten cents a package, now pick as you please.'

Now seeds are just dimes to a man in a store,

And dimes are the things he needs,

And I've been to buy them in stores before

And thought them merely as seeds,

But it flashed through my mind as I took them this time,

'You've purchased a miracle here for a dime.'

You've a dimes worth of power, which no man can create.

You've a dimes worth of life in your hands.

You've a dimes worth of mystery, destiny, fate,

Which the wisest cannot understand.

In this bright little package - now isn't that odd?

You've a dimes worth of something known only to God."

~ Author Unknown ~

I found this at a new site I found. Go check it out! It's a neat place.

Dear Jennifer,

2010-03-09T09:18:00.002-06:00

I heard, through the grape vine, that you are in the process of trying to lose weight. Good for you! I know from personal experience that it is hard and I thought perhaps you are having some difficulty. I thought I would take the time and send you and little note, encouraging you to keep it up and to keep vigil of the things you do and eat.

Here are a few of my thoughts (the order is of no importance):

1. Exercise is not of the devil. Don't avoid it like the plague. Make it a point to do some kind of exercise every day. It will make a difference.

2. Don't think, that because the butter cream frosting is made with maple syrup or honey, that it's better for you than if it was made with powdered sugar. It does not mean that you can take a swipe with your finger every time you walk by. Or that you can lick the bowl clean. It's a lie.

3. I know you have switched over to eating gluten-free, naturally sweetened food. That's a great idea, esp. since you are defiantly seeing a difference. However, you should stop playing with different recipes. If you don't have the "sweets" and such around, the temptation to eat them will disappear.

4. I know you dislike throwing away food ~ as do I. But eating the last 2 pieces of cake because no one else likes it, is not a good reason at all, however noble it might sound.

5. Don't get discouraged! I know how frustrating it can be when you lose the same 2 pounds three times! But if you follow the advice above, you will get past this.

Please don't take offense and think that I'm meddling. I really do care about where you are and how you're dewing doing.

Love,
Jennifer

Children

2010-03-03T06:36:00.004-06:00

* I felt it necessary, due to the nature of this post, to put a disclaimer at the beginning. I am in no way judging someone else for their different beliefs or thoughts on this matter. I am simply stating my opinions and how I view things. And perhaps my words will help someone think on these things, where not much thought has been put. *

I have been thinking about children lately. Not just my own, but children in general. Children are an obvious need in a society, something that many countries in Europe and in Asia are "discovering". When you don't repopulate yourself, you die out. But is that all children are good for? To keep a society going?

If asked, I think most people would say that the like/love children. Based on their actions, one would have to question that.

Lets say you have a young couple who just got married. It's understood, even if it's not talked about, that they will "wait" for an allotted amount of time (usually 2 years) to have children. The wife is on birth control and she is taught that she must take that faithfully. Never mind that no one ever told her, or her husband, that the birth control pill is, at least a percentage of the time, an abortive substance. And that any form of birth control that alters that hormones in ones body, and changes that way our body works, can have life time effects. For how could it not? If you took a medicine that changed that way your heart beat, would you be surprised that it effected you? But so many people are surprised to find out that by taking these synthetic hormones, a woman's body is changed and altered.

So our couple waits for a few years and then announces that they are expecting their first child. Everyone is excited and happy for our couple. A few years later, they add another child to their family. Again, everyone is excited and happy for them. This is the typical family of 4 in America. (And yes, 4 is the average number of a family in our country. Just go into any restaurant and see how many tables are set up for 4 people.) The husband and wife both like children and have always wanted them. And now, after 2 children, they are done. How many times have you heard that comment? And does that comment really portray a love for children? I have heard so many different reason for a couple being "done" having children: "I've never wanted more than 2", "This is all we can afford", "My children are getting (or are in) to the stage where they can do things for themselves and I like it".... and so on and so on. I'm not going to say that these are bad things to think or say, but upon reading them, what kind-of attitude do you get from them? Is that an attitude that we, as Christians, should have?

If our couple were indeed to "stop" at 2 children, no one would say anything. It would be accepted that they wouldn't have anymore children. However, lets say that they wanted more children and so they added a 3rd child to their family. People would still be happy for them and they would still find room at restaurants to sit down without having to push tables together. Now is the time some people would beginning to ask, "You're done, right?". To which our couple reply's...how?

If our couple has a 4th child, they will get the raised eyebrows and the question "are they all yours?"(If they continue to have children, they will hear this question for the next 20 years!) They will most likely hear the "you are not being responsible" talk from their parents and the "your breeding like rabbits!" comment from their friends. Not always, but these are usually things people in our society say. You know, the same people who stated above that they like/love children, but when someone has many children, that like/love for children seems to be forgotten.

As Christians, we should care what God has to say about things. So what does the Lord say about children? In Psalm 127, it states that " Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. " (I am not trying to promote the "quiver full" mentality with this one. Most people forget my "quiver full" of children is not the same number as yours. The Duggar family obviously has a quiver full of at least 19 children, while a couple I know has a quiver full of 0 children.)

In the Mosaic law, it states that if a pregnant woman is hurt by another person and the baby is born early, but is not harmed, than the woman's husband should be paid a certain amount. But if the baby should die, than the person who first harmed the pregnant woman should be stoned to death. (It tells you a lot about what He think about abortion, doesn't it? But that's another post.).

Again we find in Psalm 128, "Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD. The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life. Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel." (It was a sign of wealth for a man to have many olive plants and a fruitful vineyard. The Lord is clear here that what a man is blessed with from Him is not material wealth, but a wealth of a heritage with children.)

Most people already know how Jesus felt about children, when He rebuked his disciples for trying to "shoo" the children away form Him. So does our society, with it's "2 children is enough" mentality, really portray a love for children? Some of the most harshest criticisms that large families get, come for the Church itself.

If you thought that a million dollars was a blessing from the Lord, would you say "no thank you" if He came back and offered you another million after already giving you 2 million? I don't know anyone who would do this! Yet this is what people do with children. God created this world just by speaking. He didn't lift a finger, He didn't have to move anything. He just spoke. Don't you think He's also capable of providing for you, in every way (financially, emotionally, mentally, physically), if He chooses to bless you with another child?

Where do you stand? Do you cherish children the way the Lord does? Do you view them as blessings given to you from the Lord? Or do you agree with the prevailing though in our society: that children are necessary for re-population, but nothing more. They are cute in their little Easter dresses and suites, but we must protect our planet and not introduce anymore "carbon footprints" then we have to. As I look at Damaris, I wonder how many children, like her, never get to be because they would have been born past the 2 child mark. How many children in our recent history, never got a chance at life.

It's hard. I takes much sacrifice to be a parent, whether it's a parent to 1 or 19. And it takes faith to trust the only One who really has the control anyway. And yes, this is faith that at 2 am in the morning, when you've been up for too long with a sick child, you question. But when you look into one of these precious, beautiful faces (faces, that if left to popular thinking, would never be here, smiling at you), God's way makes sense.

The post I've been trying to write all week. Seriously.

2010-02-28T19:54:00.003-06:00

It all started with an innocent fad diet. And then we made a discovery.

Adam got a diet from work and we were going to try it. I'm sure you've heard of this kind: you eat vegetable soup and fruit the 1st day. The second day, you eat the vegetable soup and veggies. The 3rd day you eat the vegetable soup with veggie and fruit.... You get the idea. The diet boasts that if you stick with it and you don't cheat, you will lose 10 -17 pounds. The night before we were going to start it, Adam was looking up on-line about the diet, just to see what people had to say about it (isn't it amazing the things you can look up and find, just at the tips of your fingers?).

One link led to another and Adam came across information about Leaky Gut Syndrome. (It sure has an awful name, doesn't it?) Out of the 15 symptoms, I have 11 of them. And I have had them for at least 15 years. We did the diet for the 1st day and eating only fruit, made everyone...lets just say we all used the bathroom more often that day. That was last Saturday, February 20. We were talking about this Leaky Gut condition and we're continuing to research things about it. I have been told, by medical doctors, that I am hypoglycemic and to control my blood sugars, I need to eat a protein dense diet. This diet that we were on doesn't include any protein until day 5 and I didn't think I could last that long without it. So on Sunday, we decided to "cheat" a bit and we had eggs for breakfast.

By Sunday night, we were off the diet. However, we came to the conclusion, based on the research we had done, that keeping gluten and processed sugar out of our diet would be a good thing. And perhaps it would help, if I do indeed have Leaky Gut Syndrome.

We didn't eat any gluten or processed sugar (meaning white and brown sugar) for the whole weekend. Then on Monday, February 22, Maacah had a doctor's appointment and we went out to eat at the Chinese buffet restaurant. Well, before we even left the building, both Maacah and I had a headache and Grace complained of a stomach ache (although I suspect her tummy ache was due to overeating). With hypoglycemia, I have to eat at regular times or I get a headache. When we ate lunch, we were done by 12:20 or so, so we ate at a good time. I had a good breakfast of eggs and veggies, so I concluded that the headaches were possibly due to the gluten and/or sugars found in sauces and various dishes.

The headache was gone by Tuesday morning and I felt wonderful for the remainder of the week. Tuesday found me cleaning out our pantry, getting ride of everything that had an ingredient of wheat and/or sugar. We bought gluten free baking ingredients; such as tapioca starch, potato starch, sorghum flour, oat flour, brown rice (which we grind into flour), zanthan gum, and Agave Nectar (this is a natural sweeter). I have done lots of baking this week, having fun experimenting with the non-gluten flours and natural sweeteners (I have used honey and real maple syrup*, along with the Agave Nectar).

I had energy this week and I really felt good. Better than I have in a long time, longer than I can remember. Adam said he felt good this week as well, except he's been tired. But his schedule has changed and he has one less day off than he did before. He also said that when he's gotten tired in the past few months, he has gotten a headache as well. That's not normal for him. And all his life, he has had to have something to drink when he eats anything with flour in it; from a muffin to a sand which. If he doesn't have something to drink, or there's not a lot of fat in the dough (such as a danish or croissant), he can't swallow. It feels like the food gets stuck in his throat. Upon talking with a friend today who has a known allergy to the germ and bran from wheat, he learned that his not being able to swallow could be a reaction to wheat.

I was excited to be feeling better this week. Until today. Every other Saturday, we have the Lords' Supper and a fellowship meal at church. That was last night. I ate about a cup of pasta (maybe 1 1/2 cups) and 2 slices of a pinwheel (where a pickle with meat and cream cheese is wrapped in a tortilla, then sliced). How I wish I had never eaten those things! It doesn't sound like a lot, because it's not. But if you stop ingesting something that is irritating your system for a period of time, then reintroduce just a small portion of it, the reaction in your body is magnified. While you are daily eating that irritant, your body is accustomed to the irritation and the reaction that happens becomes normal. When you remove that irritant from your diet, when your body comes into contact with it again, the reaction is far greater than when you stopped.

This morning, Adam, Maacah and myself woke up with headaches, most of us were quite lethargic and quite tired. All are symptoms of a reaction to gluten. So, that pretty much confirms it in my mind. There are testing we could have, but we're not going to to them. We don't think they are necessary. All we are doing right now is changing our diet and I'm taking a probiotic to help replace the good flora that should be in your system. Even if we are not having a reaction to gluten and/or processed sugar, making these changes are not going to harm us, they will be for our good. Eating out could be problematic, but for a family of our size, the bill is more problematic then what's on the menu. Besides, I live with the best chef in the area, so what do I need a restaurant for! (Not that I'm biased or anything.) And, I'm surprised to see, Grace's eczema is starting to look better. There is belief that eczema is connected to gluten. If that's true, I hope we see it get much better, if not totally go away, for she has it bad on her legs.

In conclusion, we have officially become a gluten free, processed sugar free home (I say processed sugar free because we still use honey, maple syrup, and agave nectar as sweeteners. We are not sugar free.). I sincerely never thought I would say those words, but it's true. After 15 years of not feeling well and suffering from so many different things, if eating no gluten and no processed sugar helps me to get my health back, then so be it. Esp. since I can see that my eldest daughter is showing the same symptoms that I have. I don't want that suffering for her. My suspicion is that the gluten is the culprit, but the processed sugars aren't good for us anyway.

* Real maple syrup is expensive, but we make our own. Each March, we collect the sap from the Sugar Maples in Adams' parents yard (about 12 of them) and we boil it down to syrup. Last year was a low year and we only got about 4-5 gallons of it. But we only tapped 7 trees, I think. This year I think we'll tap more and hopefully this year will be better. Esp. now that I'm using it way more than just on pancakes and waffles.

A short, belated, weigh in

2010-02-27T10:11:00.002-06:00

My stats:
February 27, 2010
270.2 lbs
short term goal: lose 10 lbs.
Success: 2 lbs 2 oz *
Next "weigh in": March 8, 2010

* If any of you are paying attention, you'd notice that at my last "weigh in" I weighed 268. Which, in turn, would make a loss of 2 lbs impossible with my current weight. However, enough time has elapsed for me to gain 4 lbs, then lose 2 of those. Hence, I've lost 2 lbs and I'm still at my starting weight. *

This will be a short post since I'm working with Adam today on the walk- in cooler. We are almost finished and he told me that if we get it done in enough time before we go to church tonight, he would get down into the crawl space and install the dishwasher into the commercial kitchen. And I would really like that to happen. So I don't have time to sit here and type, type, type. But I do have things to say. Perhaps tomorrow, I'll have the time to sit here. We'll see.

Bye for now.

The swimming pool

2010-02-20T10:05:00.003-06:00

We went swimming yesterday in honor of Maacah's birthday. The children had such fun! But, of course, we forgot the camera. Boo!! Their cousin Hope came over to swim with us and to spend the night. Maacah's birthday part will be next Saturday (due to the grandparents not being here and others being sick) and Hope will be with her mother, so she will probably not be able to come to the party. We invited her last night to make up for that.

We then came home and had Maacah's birthday meal: BBQ ribs, twice baked potatoes, and cheesy broccoli. Apple crisp and Peanut Butter Cookie ice cream for dessert. It was a hit day for everyone!

I must add that Nathaniel dried to drown himself several time while we were at the pool. Well, maybe he didn't try to drown himself, but he had absolutely no fear of the water. None. Nada. He had a floaty suit on, so that did make him float. But unfortunately, it usually kept him on his tummy, not on his back. He jumped in at least twice with no one there to catch him and the floaty suit brought him back to the surface (and Adam or I was always near enough to get to him soon, he just wouldn't wait for us to get there!). I told a little bit of fear is a good thing. But he didn't seem to listen.

I love the water and it seems that that love has been passed down to my children. They all wanted to "swim" with me. Even Adam got in! I thought it was quite funny that yesterday was the 1st time ever for the children to see him in shorts. I teased him that it was the 1st time they had even seen his knees! He didn't think it was that funny. :0)

During the summer, I usually take the children to the lake during the day, since Adam doesn't really like to go. It's going to be very interesting this time with everyone to look after. If I can't work it out for someone to come with me, I think Damaris is going to be in the play pen quite a bit at the beach and I'm going to be in the water. Fishing children out! Oh boy!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MAACAH!

2010-02-19T14:38:00.008-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR MAACAH!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!

She's 9. How is she 9 already?

Maacah, 4 months

Maacah, 2 1/2 yrs

Maacah, 4 yrs

(back row) Me (7 1/2 mths pregnant with Malachi), my mother, my sister (5 mths pregnant with her 4th child)
(front row) Grace, 3 yrs., Isaac, 17 mths., my grandmother, Maacah, 5 yrs.

My children's survey about me

2010-02-18T13:29:00.004-06:00

This is a "survey" that I saw on someone elses blog and I thought it was cute. So I tailored it to suite us and asked our children the questions. Here are their answers, unchanged from their mouths (my commentary is in green):

1.What is something Mom always says to you?
Maacah: Don't do that!
Grace: No Highlights on the computer.
Isaac: Obey.
Malachi: Please stop.

2.What makes Mom happy?
Maacah: When I obey.
Grace: When I help her.
Isaac: Obeying
Malachi: When I'm quiet.

3. What makes Mom sad?
Maacah: When I disobey.
Grace: Not obeying.
Isaac: Disobey.
Malachi: When I don't be quiet. (HA!)

4. How does your Mom make you laugh?
Maacah: She says funny things.
Grace: By tickling me.
Isaac: Doing funny things.
Malachi: Asks me questions.

5. What was your Mom like as a child?
Maacah: I have no idea.
Grace: I don't know.
Isaac: Little.
Malachi: Just like Nathaniel.

6. How old is your Mom?
Maacah: 30
Grace: 30
Isaac: I don't know.
Malachi: 3.

7. How tall is your Mom?
Maacah: 5' 2”
Grace: 2 feet? I don't know.
Isaac Really tall. Taller than me.
Malachi: 5 inches. (Yep, that's me. The smallest Mom ever!)

8. What is Mom's favorite thing to do?
Maacah: Laundry. (? I'm not sure where she gets that from.)
Grace: Do puzzles.
Isaac: School.
Malachi: Not going into the kitchen.

9. What does your Mom do when you're not around?
Maacah: Sewing, on the computer, or going to the doctors. (The doctors?)
Grace: That's a hard question.
Isaac: Nothing. (I wish!)
Malachi: Do something.

10. If your Mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Maacah: Being a queen.
Grace: I don't know what that means.
Isaac: I don't know.
Malachi: Builds a house.

11. What is your Mom really good at?
Maacah: Sewing and laundry.
Grace: Being a Mom.
Isaac: Cooking.
Malachi: Cleaning.

12. What is your Mom not very good at?
Maacah: Working with wood.
Grace: Working. Daddy's good at working, but you're not.
Isaac: Working.
Malachi: I don't know.
(Hmm, is there a pattern here or is it just me?)

13. What does your Mom do for a job?
Maacah: Work with children.
Grace: Work at home.
Isaac: Stay home and watch the kids.
Malachi: Take care of me.

14.What is your Mom's favorite food?
Maacah: Chile Renos.
Grace: Grapefruit. (Huh?)
Isaac: Mushrooms.
Malachi: Eggs.

15. What makes you proud of your Mom?
Maacah: Her cooking.
Grace: That God gave you to be my Mom.
Isaac: She lets us play games.
Malachi: Talks about everything.

16. What is your Mom's favorite thing about being a Mom?
Maacah: Having children.
Grace: Taking are of us.
Isaac: Growing up.
Malachi: Taking care of me.

17. What do you and your Mom do together?
Maacah: Talk and sew.
Grace: Read a story.
Isaac: Play and read and do school with me.
Malachi: Go at the play ground.

18. How are you and your Mom the same?
Maacah: We are in the same family.
Grace: Same color hair.
Isaac: We are both light skinned.
Malachi: Because we both talk.

19. How are you and your Mom different?
Maacah: Different personalities.
Grace:.I don't wear glasses.
Isaac: Because I wear pants and shirt and you wear dresses. And you have babies, I don't. (Too funny!!)
Malachi: I don't know.

20. How do you know your Mom loves you?
Maacah: Because she acts like she loves me and she feeds me and she does stuff that shows me she love me.
Grace: Because she smiles at me.
Isaac: By your kindness.
Malachi: Because you spank me. (Oh boy!)

23. What does your Mom like most about your Dad?
Maacah: You tell me.
Grace: When he tickles your feet.
Isaac: I don't know.
Malachi: I don't know.

22. Where is your Mom's favorite place to go?
Maacah: In Wausau, that Mexican place and the Chinese place.
Grace: Out to eat.
Isaac: Chinese.
Malachi: To a restaurant.
(My children certainly know me here!)

It did it again to me!

2010-02-17T11:00:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, I attempted to take a hot shower in the morning. It's cold during the winter, you know, and a nice hot shower in the morning is a nice way to wake, don't you think? Yeah, I thought so too. Except I couldn't. I couldn't have a hot shower, that is. You see, I was 5 the year they put in our water heater here. Yep, 1985 (actually, I turned 6 in 1985, but my birthday is at the end of November, so I'm sure I was still 5 when they put it in). The water gets hot later in the day, but it seems it has problems before 8 o'clock.

25 years is not old. For people, that is. But for water heaters, that's ancient! There is quite the build up of sediment at the bottom of the tank and I'm sure it's effitiency is long been done.

I tried to take a hot shower again this morning. And can you guess what it did? Yep, that's right. The water was too cold even for Damaris. I'm not sure if we will get a new one now, since we have the commercial kitchen to finish (which also includes paying for the license). But we need one in the near future. I don't think it's wise to wait until we absolutely need one (meaning it doesn't work at all), for we can't be sure we'll have the money for it at that time. But to buy it now when we have other things we are obligated/need to buy/pay for?... We'll have to wait and see.

In the mean-time, I need to remember not to attempt a shower before 8 o'clock.

Weigh in & new pictures

2010-02-15T09:05:00.008-06:00

Before the pictures, some important information:
My stats:
February 15, 2010
268.2 lbs
short term goal: lose 8 lbs.
Success: 2 lbs 2 oz
Next "weigh in": February 21, 2010

Okay, now on to the pictures.

I Did it

2010-02-08T22:30:00.002-06:00

Yep, I actually got up this morning and exercised. On purpose. I can't believe I just said that! *smiles* (you know, if someone knows how to get those smile faces to work on a blog, please let me know!) By mid-morning, I had a raging headache, so that put a real damper on my day. I had breakfast a bit late this morning, so I'm hoping that's the cause of the headache. I will get up early again tomorrow, but eat much sooner.

I'm going to try and get the exercise done before too many little people wake up. This morning, but the time we got everything going, it was 7:15 am and everyone was up. And wanting to walk. And stretch. And watch the DVD. If I stretched my arms out, I would bonk someone on the head. If I took to large of a step sideways, I would stomp on someones little toes. And I couldn't stretch since the 2 and 3 year olds were fighting (unless, of course, you can count waging your finger "no, no" a stretch, but I don't think so.). So tomorrow, I'm aiming for 6:45 am to start "walking". That's my aim, but we'll see.

Damaris moved out of our room tonight and is in her crib in the girls room. Maacah and Grace were so excited! She's been sleeping longer and longer during the night (for the most part), so I'm hoping that she will do okay tonight. When it came to the girls sleeping through the night, 4 months old for Maacah and 3 months old for Grace, they did fine the very first night. The boys, on the other hand, didn't sleep all the way through until they were 6 months or so. Here's hoping Damaris is like her older sisters!

Good night!

My transparency

2010-02-07T21:02:00.005-06:00

I'm going to be honest. I'm fat. And it's time I started doing something about it! This 30 year old body of mine is showing the stress of caring around this extra weight and if I don't get it off now, things aren't going to get any better. Plus, if the Lord blesses us with more children, the added weight will only get worse there, too.

So, here's the deal. I'm going to be honest here about how much I weigh, how the week has been, how much I've lost, and how much I've cheated/got out of/gained. I'm not real excited to publish to the entire world (if they ever cared to find me, that is) how much I weigh, for it's not a small number. And it is something that is personal, along with something I'm quite embarrassed about.

However, I need to be honest. I need accountability. I need a place to share my goals, my losses and my victories. Perhaps some of you can encourage me through the comments. Perhaps some of you would like to join me. And, hopefully, I can be an encouragement to you.

Here's the low down:
I will be using Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds DVD. I will walk at least 1 mile a day, 6 days a week. Due to Sunday's being my rest day, I won't be exercising on that day. There is a 2 and 3 mile walk DVD, so the amount could be more that 6 miles a week, but 6 miles is the least I will do. (Being sick and out-of-town are the only reasons I can think of to keep me from doing this each day). My ultimate goal is to get down to 200 lbs. I'm not concerned with sizes and all.

My stats:
February 7, 2010
270.4 lbs (Ouch!!)
1st goal: lose 10 lbs.
Success: none
Next "weigh in": February 14, 2010

A great article that I didn't write

2010-01-30T10:29:00.002-06:00

I'm cheating today. I read an excellent post from the Kleins that I wanted to share with you. I couldn't have written it better, so why try? :0)

Here is a snippet:
" It is sad that educational reasons for homeschooling have eclipsed what really motivated many modern christian parents to return to keeping children home 30 or 40 or more years ago. We attended a wedding last year, where the 80-something year old father of the FATHER of the groom was present. He was a homeschool dad. Yes, I mean the groom's grandpa! Years ago, he had been a school teacher, and decided he had to pull his children out of the school and teach them at home. It was not for mere educational reasons.....

Yes, we brainwash our children. Who is brainwashing yours? "

Go and read the whole thing. It's right on.

Facebook

2010-01-28T21:58:00.002-06:00

I must admit that I have finally given in. I have a Facebook account. And I actually keep it up to date, unlike this poor, neglected blog of mine. I have found it much easier to type something quick than a long post. This doesn't mean that I am giving up on this blog altogether. Not at all. I just thought I'd let those of you who read here, and have been asking for picture up-dates, about my Facebook page. There are many pictures there of the whole family and you can read what I'm doing on a day to day basis. Because, I just know you all sit around and wonder what I'm up too, don't you?

Go to HERE and type in Jennifer Dewing. My page will then come up. You can leave comments and the like, if you wish. And you don't have to be a "friend", even though you are. :0)

My organizational accomplishments part 2

2010-01-17T20:44:00.018-06:00

You now the areas I said earlier that I need to organize very badly? Well, we actually got them done! Thank you Adam!! Yeah!!! They not only look better, but I think the changes will work much better for us.

The front door area, where we put our shoes. Before:

There is now a crate just for the boys shoes and one for the girls shoes. Daddy and Mama's shoes go on the floor. I took away the large container of hats and mittens, and replaced it with a much smaller container with just the ones that they wear on a regular basis. After:

The other area is the wash room. Before:

After:

Before:

After:

Before:

After:

As you can see, this was a drastic change. I have liked the idea of a family closet for a long time, but I never thought we had the room. Then I had the idea of putting the children's dressers in the place of the table and putting shelves for their clothing. In actuality, the table is still there, folded down behind the dressers (Adam made it from an old table and attached it to the wall with the hinges so it could fold down when/if needed.).We took down the wooden clothes rack to make room for more shelving.

I think I will like this better. When their clothes are done, I ( or they) just turn around and put it right away. No more sitting in buckets, waiting to be put away.
Plus, they no longer go upstairs to put there jammies/clothes on. They are supervised at all times, so there is no playing upstairs and getting into trouble. The girls' hair things are down here, as well (most of that stuff ended up down here anyway). There tooth brushes are down here, so I can be sure that gets done properly. In short, the only things the children will use the upstairs for is sleeping and taking showers.

Yes, I think this is going to be much better.

(So what have we done with their closets? All of the rods and hard ware is still there, just in case we decide to put some clothing back up there, like when they get older. In the girls room I put Damaris's crib in the closet. It fits real nice. And in the boys' room, I put the doll house in it. Oh, and the adults do not have their clothes down here. I figured we are old enough to brush our teeth and put our jammies on without getting into trouble. At least I can.)

Prayer requests

2010-01-12T20:46:00.001-06:00

Please pray for some friends of ours. First, the Klein's, for they have lost their 14th child. The mother is doing well, physically, but the whole family has some healing to do.

Second, a family that is very close to us, have 2 of their children in Haiti right now. If you haven't heard, Haiti had a massive earth quake this evening, centered in the capital city. Their whereabouts is not yet know. Their names are Jonathan and Amy. Adam and I view this family as our own. Please keep them in your prayers for their safety. As well as the other 3 million people who live in the capital of Haiti.

School is going okay. I'm trying not to be uptight when things don't go as planned/scheduled. With homeschooling, you can be far more flexible (and forgiving) with time than with the main stream school. I need to keep reminding myself that it's not the time frame that matters. It's the learning and comprehension that is most important.

We were successful with our trip to Chicago last week. We bought a small walk-in-cooler, an 8 foot hood, an exhaust fan, and a make-up air fan (which is something needed to meet the code requirements) for $550 less than we were expecting to spend. Of course, we were planning to be home Thursday night (we left early Thursday morning), but we didn't get home until Friday afternoon. A combo of bad weather, waiting for people, discussing details about the equipment, & all the others odds and ends, caused us to have to get a hotel room just north of the WI border. But we are home and getting things together for the next "stage".

My organizational accomplishments

2010-01-12T13:04:00.002-06:00

I wanted to show you what my mother and I did over the Christmas weeks that she was here. (I was going to post those pictures today, but I can't find them at the moment. Hopefully Adam knows where they are and I will show them to you.) She was a tremendous help to me! She helped me organize the toy explosion we had and organize the school room. The effect is amazing!

First, we cut down the toys greatly. Adam's father made this toy box when Maacah was a baby and we have since used it for what it was made for: a toy box. But as the children grew (and the children came), the toys multiplied. Which also led to toys getting buried at the bottom of the box, never to see the light of day again. It was located in the closet in the school room, but it just wasn't working very well. Here is the toy box (minus the boy, of course).

So we moved that out and replaced it with this:

The pink container on the left is all the toys the children play with. That's right, one small container for 6 children. And you know what? It is working!! Since they can only have enough toys that fit into that container, there is no war-of-the-toys ragging around here anymore. The white container, on the right, is where the children's small games are (such as their Old Maid cards, Uno cards, 50 pieces or less puzzles, etc.).

And this container, under the table, is where their books are. They can have no more books up here that what fits into that container. (The rest of the books and toys are down in the basement. I will switch them out every so often.)

Here is the school room. This is the view of their desks from the doorway.

The table in the corner is where the littles play and need to stay (this is the chalk board table). This doesn't always happen, but so far, it's been working okay. The top two drawers in the file cabinet is for extra workbooks and drawing paper. The 3rd drawer is where the school children's school things are stored (there is one container that holds the glue, rulers, crayons, and scissors for them), there is a small container of Legos for the little ones to play with, and there is a small container where the crayons (which are peeled, broken, and other-wise sad looking) are kept for any coloring that is done outside of school. The bottom drawer is where the construction paper is held.

Behind the door is the other file cabinet. The first three drawers are where the children's books that aren't being used yet, are held. The bottom drawer is where the extra notebooks and coloring books are found. One the wall, I have put up all the phonics sounds that are needed to know and at the very top of the wall, there is the alphabet in print and cursive. The white board is where their daily lessons are put, where the date is written, and any other demonstrations that are needed to be shown.

Each child has their own color, so at one glance, they can see if something up their is for them. For example, Isaac's things are written in blue, Grace's in pink, and Maacah's in purple. There is also a reward system set up. Each child has their name on the board and if at the end of the school day, there are no marks by their name, they get to pick out of the "Candy Can". If there are no marks, they get two pieces of candy. If there is one mark, they get one piece. And if there are 2 marks, they get none.

And finally, all the craft supplies, my sewing stuff, games, and the Candy Can are kept in the closet. The children know that this is MY closet and they are not to enter it without permission.

Tomorrow, I will post about the areas that I NEED to organize. Very. Badly.

Half way there

2010-01-04T13:05:00.001-06:00

We are half way done with school and I haven't lost my temper once. And no one has lost their life. This is good.

Nathaniel

2010-01-04T07:20:00.004-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR NATHANIEL,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

He's 2. How the time flies!

(and just so you can get an idea of "Nathaniel", here are pictures, shown in the order they were taken...)

Sorry 'bout that

2010-01-03T19:47:00.003-06:00

Ahem~ As some of you might have noticed, I changed my back ground yesterday. However, at the time, Blogger wouldn't let me change the colors. I then was called else where and soon forgot all about it. Thank you, Debbie, for reminding me! Blogger still won't let me changed the colors, so I decided to go for a different back ground.

We hooked up our "new" commercial dishwasher yesterday. I now firmly believe that any mother with more than 5 children, should have one of these! Can you imagine having all of you dishes done in less then 15 minutes without any one washing them? Well, you still have to rinse them, but I'm meaning no one has to stand at the sink and wash all plates, cups, utensils, pots, and pans. Yes, it is as nice as it sounds! A cycle lasts about 3 minutes and only takes about 1 1/2 gallons of water. It will eventually go int our new kitchen, but for now it's rigged up in our washroom. The electrical cord is running along our kitchen ceiling, into our dinning room, ending in our school room right to the electrical box. It's not the prettiest, for sure, but I'm happy to use it and not have to use our old one (for it was a really bad dishwasher! We had to rewash just about every dish that was in there.) And the children are actually arguing over who gets to wash the dishes! Which is a nice change (the part where they want to "do" the dishes, not the arguing part)! Of course, it's a bit more expensive than a home dishwasher, but it's worth the money. Trust me!

Well, I'm off to bed. School starts tomorrow and I need my beauty sleep. *smile*

School, school, school at last

2010-01-02T14:59:00.001-06:00

We start school on Monday and I am finishing up the last little details for that. The school room is done and I can say with all honesty (and quite a bit of surprise!), that I'm ready for Monday. I'm actually looking forward to it! I think the children are too. I'm not sure how the schedule will flow yet and how I will juggle everyone doing something different, but I believe I'm up to the challenge. I'll let you know as the weeks go by.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T07:18:00.002-06:00

We are doing well. Wed are still alive. It is snowing now, I think we got about 3 inches last night and it is supposed to keep snowing until tomorrow night. I have wanted to write so much these past few days, but I've been busy and haven't taken the time.

My mother is here for Christmas and it is so good to see her! She hasn't been here since Nathaniel was born. We did go see her when he was 5 months old, but that was a very short stay. The children are having a blast with her. We are going to make gingerbread houses today and tomorrow for lunch, we are going to have a tea party. Then on Saturday, we are going sledding.

We are having fun over here! I'll try and post photos soon!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

Time to steal some.....time

2009-12-17T21:08:00.004-06:00

It's a little after 9 pm and I really should be in bed. But Damaris is still sleeping down here (she has just started to make noises), and so I'm talking these few minutes to write something. I've been wanting to for these past few days, but the time just hasn't presented itself. Now I'm just "stealing" the moment.

We are making good strides with our new kitchen. The floor is all tiled now and it looks really nice. Adam, his father, and his 2 brothers got the double stacked convection oven into the room today. Boy, is it nice to get those off the porch! We have had them on there since September. It has gotten to the point that I can't look at the porch without cringing. We look like hillbillies with the junk on there! Okay, so it's not all junk, but I don't like cluttered spaces anyway and that is defiantly what our porch is: cluttered. My goal is to some time soon get out there and clean it up. It would have been nice to do that before the snow came, but such is life.

We still have a ways to go with the kitchen, but it feels good to be this far and to see improvement.

My mother is coming this Monday and I'm so excited! The best part...well, one of the best parts, is that the children don't know she's coming. To make room for the new kitchen, we made the school room our living room. Which then caused us to move the school room into the guest room. And that had us moving the guest bed into the girls room. So she gets here at around 11 pm on Monday night and when we get home, the children will be sleeping. When they wake up in the morning, surprise! Grammy's here!! I'm going to have to set my alarm early, just so I can be in their room to see their faces. It's going to be great!

She will be here until the 30th, which is not a long time, but it at least is something. We have ginger bread house to make and a tea party to have while she is here. She doesn't know this yet, but I'm going to ask her if she will also help my organize and clean out the school room, just in time for us to start our new school year. It is driving me crazy!! And there is no way I can spend a good bulk of my time in that room and still survive. Yes, it is that bad!

There are other things that I would really like to write about that are going on in our lives. But I'm not going to take the time right now. If I did, it would take longer and Adam would eventually come hunt for me. I am very tired and even though Damaris is still sleeping, I need to crawl in between my sheets and close my eyes.

Good night!

My little story

2009-12-06T16:29:00.003-06:00

I have a need to tell this. My short story is a great example of how God listens, love us, and takes care of us. Early this morning, around 1 am or so, I woke up to extremely bad stomach pains. The kind that cause chills to go up and down your body. The cramps were very, very painful and couldn't find a comfortable position. I earnestly began to pray that God would take these pains away.

I got up to use the bathroom, in hopes that perhaps that would ease the pain. But it didn't. I was still praying as I stumbled back to bed, knowing that Damaris would be waking soon and that if I was still in the same condition, I didn't think I'd be able to sit up and nurse her. Esp. since she has to lie on my stomach.

I laid down on the bed again, wrapped myself in the sheets, closed my eyes....and the next thing I new, she was waking up. But when I looked at the clock, I was shocked to see that 2 hours had passed! God had answered my prayer and not only helped me get back to sleep, but He also took away those stomach pains. I felt a twinge of them a little bit, but nothing like it was. God is so good, isn't He?!

He cared that my stomach was hurting badly. He cared that I was very tired and needed to sleep. He cared that I needed to be able to nurse and take care of my children. I told Him this morning that I would publish what He did for me. Even if it's a small number of people, people need to know that HE CARES! He loves you and He does an even better job at taking care of His children, than we do of taking care of ourselves.

"Casting all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you."
1 Peter 5:7

Is it only our children?

2009-12-04T10:37:00.012-06:00

Believe it or not.....

our children really do have beds.

So that leaves just one question.....

WHY?

Supper, anyone?

"The new fashion in night masks". Do you think it will catch on?

One month

2009-11-30T14:39:00.003-06:00

Can you believe it has been a month, ONE WHOLE MONTH!, since Damaris was born? The word on the street is the older you get, the faster time goes. I have found this to be true. But come on! This is crazy! The last 3 weeks of my pregnancy with her took longer than this!

She truly has been a joy to have. Not that my other child weren't/aren't, but you know what I mean. She is still a wonderful sleeper, sleeping on average 7 hours strait at night. It has been great fun to get the "girly" stuff out again and yes, acquire some new things just for her. But most of all, it feels so good to have a baby in my arms again. I suppose that sounds funny, since Nathaniel is not quite 2 years old yet. But it's about this time, that I've always had another baby and so I'm ready for the next one. Actually, it's usually around the time a child is 3 or 4 months old that I'm wanting another one, but God in His perfect knowledge and timing, has given us the next on between 18 and 23 months later. And that really is the perfect timing, at least for our family it has been.

I realize that it's not the norm to have 6 children by the time you are 30 (yesterday was my birthday, by the way. I usually do a write up about the the birthday person, but I figured it would be a little vain to do so about myself. And since Adam refuses to write anything her, this little blurb is all I'll do. So I'm now 30. Am I an adult yet?). And it's even less normal to want more. But I'm okay with that. I've never been one to worry much about being "normal" and caring what others think. I care what my husband thinks and I care what God thinks of me.

Adam and I are living the way we believe God has asked us to. That includes the way we dress, why we homeschool, why we don't have a TV, why we don't use any form of birth control (no, not even so-called "family planning").... and many other things and areas. We weren't raised in these areas with these convictions, and so most of our family don't understand it/us (and some down right rebuke us). But we know they still love us and we still love them. For we are not here to live to gain mans approval, no matter who that man is. But we are here to gain God's approval and we believe we are doing just that.

But back to Damaris being one month old. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but don't we make cute children? *smile* Unfortunately, for her, she is losing the hair on top of her head. But I told her not to worry. The bow covers it up.

I just don't want to

2009-11-26T10:18:00.005-06:00

I have a confession to make. And it's really making me feel super guilty. I confessed it to Adam this morning, but he didn't really have a response for me. I'm not sure what to do about it, for I have thought about it over and over in my mind, and I can't come up with a good conclusion. Perhaps ya'll can help me.

Here is my confession: I don't want to use cloth diapers any more. It's not because I don't like them, for I do ....well as much as one can like a diaper, I suppose. They are Mother Ease diapers that we bought before Maacah was born. Yeah, they are old but they are still holding together very well. Although there is a reason for that. I used them from birth to potty trained with Maacah and she always had the worst diaper rash. It would never go away and often they were open, bleeding sores! It was horrible! Neither the doctor nor I could find the reason for it. Then Grace came along and she was in the same diapers and with the same horrible diaper rash. I chalked it up to the girls having very sensitive skin. This is true, but it wasn't the whole culprit.

At one point, when Grace was around a year old, we went on a trip and for the first time, I brought disposable diapers along instead of the cloth diapers. We had gone on other trips before this one, but I always took "our" diapers. Anyway, we were gone long enough, that while she was in the disposable diapers, her rash went away! I was shocked! And then I figured out that because they have sensitive skin, the cloth diapers don't wick the urine away from the skin well enough to keep it protective. Even though I would change them as soon as I saw wetness (for I often let them go without the cover on), it wouldn't change anything. Since then, with Grace on down, once the child is eating more solids than nursing, I put them into disposables and put away the cloth diapers. So it's only the first 8 - 12 months that we use cloth diapers; which is also why they have lasted for 8 1/2 years.

But all that isn't really the reason I don't want to use them anymore. It's for a far more practical reason: I'm lazy. I just don't want to have to wash them every 3 days. I know, that's a real poor excuse, but it's the honest one. That's the reason I've gone back and forth within myself about this. On one hand, we already have the diapers, so there would not be any added expense. Even though I'd be washing them, I'm not sure the added water, soap, and my time would add up to the same amount of disposable diapers for a month (some of the diapers are getting thread bare and soon need to be replaced. And every so often, we need to get new covers. Should that factor into the cost effect?). On the other hand, disposables are easier, both here at home and going places. I wouldn't need to bother about soaking them and the stink that it can generate in the house. There also wouldn't be any juggling of bringing the dirty diapers down from up stairs to be washed and making sure there are clean diapers going back upstairs. Plus, when we go out for more than an hour (like to church), I take along disposables, not the cloth. So we are buying disposables anyway, just not as often as we would if we used them exclusively.

Time wise, disposables win. Cost wise, cloth wins (I think). Convience wise, disposables win. Never running out of diapers, cloth wins. Not dealing with diaper rash as often, disposables win. Nice idea, cloth wins.

All these reason sound pretty petty to my ears, I know. But I'm still not sure on what to do and what would be the best route to take. Right now, Damaris's diapers are about $20 a month and Nathaniel's are about $35 a month (we buy the Walmart generic brand, "Parents Choice"). I realize that we are not talking "big bucks" here, but when the budget is tight already, sometimes those costs make a difference.

Does anyone have a solution for me?

To all those who think there is no God....

2009-11-23T13:53:00.002-06:00

I have many reasons to believe in Him and many situations, big and small, that point to no other deduction. I won't post them all, for I don't have that much time, but here are the top big ones that have lately occurred in my life.

1. My fifth child, Nathaniel, was born with brain damage. Those two words alone can make one tremble and fear. And when you hear that, in connection to the newborn that you just gave birth to but haven't seen yet? You can double the fear factor. Nathaniel had a stroke before he was born and was having seizures because of it. He was in the NICU, 2 1/2 hours south of our home, for 9 days after birth. There were many things that went on in that time and beyond it. Nathaniel will be two in about 1 1/2 months. How is he? He's as normal as can be! He is talking (or at least trying to), he walks, runs, jumps, laughs, understands, plays with toys...in short, he's like any other 2 year old. The seizures have stopped, he is no longer on medication (and hasn't been since he was about 5 months old), and he is a joy! His doctor said that he has benefited from having so many older siblings, for they keep him stimulated. And you can be sure he attempts to keep up in every way with them!

2. When I married my husband, I wasn't sure if I really loved him or not. There were many reason for that, reasons that prevented me from knowing the truth for the first whole year of our marriage. I know how foolish it sounds to admit that, esp. when coupled with the fact that I knew going into our marriage, that divorce was not an option. It took the birth of our first child to open my eyes to the reality of what true love is and feels like. Then, I could say with confidence, that I am completely "head over heals" in love with my husband. God is no fool. He knew what He was doing when He put us together. Adam know me to such a degree, that it's often scary! He knows my weaknesses and loves me in spit of them, all the while gently filling in those weeknesses with his strength. He lovingly corrects me when I need correction, he holds me when I need to be held, he laughs at me when I need to be less serious, and he always tells me the truth (except the question that I asked him last night. I asked if I still looked pregnant. He wisely abstained from that one!) whether I want to hear it or not. These last few months have been very hard on me and he stood by me with such strength, endurance and love...there is no way all that came from him by himself. I believe that Adam has sought God to give him that love for me and He has done so. God also knew who He created us to be with and we complement each other is so many ways that it's impossible that we "happened" to meet "by chance".

3. Our 6th child was born with Pulmonary Hypertension. That's one of those words that most people (including us!) have no idea what it means, but it doesn't sound good. She, too, was taken away from us after birth and flown to the NICU 2 1/2 hours south of our home. When we arrived at the hospital, she had been intabated and was on drugs to keep her comfortable and not waking up. This time, Adam was with me the entire time (for with Nathaniel, he had to go back to work 2 days after he was born). She was born on a Friday and the doctors were telling us she is so sick, that we need to expect to be here for a couple of weeks. As with Nathaniel, there were many people praying for her and by that next Wednesday, 5 days later, we were going home!. The doctors and nurses couldn't believe how quickly she had recovered.

4. Once, when Grace (our 2nd child) was still nursing through the night, there was a time when she was very fussy. It was very late at night (or very early in the morning, which ever way you look at it, we should have been sleeping!) and she wouldn't calm down. She didn't want to eat, be burped, need a diaper change... nothing was working! Finally, after more than an hour of her being fussy, she calmed down. But came down with a horrible case of the hiccups. She was so loud with those! It rivaled her crying! After about 30 minutes listening to those, I prayed for God take them away so we could both sleep. Before I had even said "Amen", she was quite and asleep. The other night those hiccups came back. While Damaris wasn't as fussy as Grace was, she was just as loud! Before it became a long wait, I prayed the same prayer. And again, she was quite and asleep before I said "Amen".

5. Adam and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary in March. Even before we were married, we talked about having our own business. But the Lord has always said "no", even though we kept asking and even went to see some buildings here and there. At the end of this last summer, He gave us the green light to our dream. So here we are, a family of 8. We live on one income (which is a good income, but not a large one), in an economic time that is very rocky and God is giving us the green light to start our catering business (which is Dewings Catering and Confections, if you can stand a little advertising about it). Not only that, but He has said "yes" to our taking the living room (which is a large 16 x 20 room) and converting it into the kitchen for said business. He also has given us the ability to have money in our savings account and pay for this kitchen. We still have much more to go, but God is good and He will get us there. It may not be on our time table, but we will get there.

So there you have it. It may not prove 100% that there is a God and that He listens to us. But it proves it to me. And maybe it will help someone else, too. God is there. Talk to Him. He listens.

Reluctance to Repent

2009-11-11T12:25:00.002-06:00

"I feel when I have sinned an immediate reluctance to go to Christ. I am ashamed to go. I feel as if it would not do to go, as if it were making Christ the minister of sin, to go straight from the swine-trough to the best robe, and a thousand other excuses.

But I am persuaded they are all lies direct from hell. John argues the opposite way-'If any man sins, we have an advocate with the Father;' ... The holy sensitiveness of the soul that shrinks from the touch of sin, the acute susceptibility of the conscience at the slightest shade of guilt, will of necessity draw the spiritual mind frequently to the blood of Jesus.

And herein lies the secret of a heavenly walk. Acquaint yourself with it, my reader, as the most precious secret of your life. He who lives in the habit of a prompt and minute acknowlegment of sin, with his eye reposing calmly, believing, upon the crucified Redeemer, soars in spirit where the eagle's pinion [wings] range not."

--Octavius Winslow, 1808-1878, considered by some to be one of the foremost Baptist preachers of the nineteenth century. He was a direct descendant of Edward Winslow, a pilgrim leader who came to the New World on the Mayflower.

Isaac is 5...and other stuff

2009-11-07T19:41:00.008-06:00

I'm a week late, but I wanted to share with you that Isaac had his party yesterday. He turned 5 on October 29 and we were planning on having his birthday party last Saturday, October 31. But, we were a bit busy that day (not to mention we weren't home!). So we finally had it last night and he had a great time. It was also the time that Damaris made her debut with the rest of the family.

Here are some pictures from his party. Can you guess what his favorite gift was?

I have a confession to make: we are cheap frugal when it comes to most things. Picture taking is one of them. Besides, can you imagine what it is like with 6 small children in a small photo studio? Neither can I, because we don't do it. No, that doesn't mean that we neglect far away family and don't send pictures (that's actually something that is very important to me. I don't get monthly pictures sent off, but I do get annual pictures done of the children and of the whole family.) What we do is take the pictures at home. We set up a nice place somewhere in the house and take as many pictures as we want/need. You know how they make you decided what picture you want before you're even done with the session? Well, this way we can choose the best ones after we are all done. Nice, huh? When we are taking pictures of the whole family, we set the timer on our camera. Then Adam does his work on the computer with the pictures (cropping, blurring, sepia....whatever we choose. He has a great, FREE program called paint.net that is fantastic program to use.), we sent them off to get printed (usually Wallyworld), and they come back to us nice and done. With minimal tears, cost and everyone is happy. This has really worked well for us.

Anyway, all this is to say we took the annual childrens pictures today and I wanted to share some with you. These aren't the ones we will print off, but they capture the children fairly well.

And because she is just so cute, some more pictures of Damaris.

Just Damaris

2009-11-05T11:25:00.016-06:00

We are home! She is doing very well and everyone is adjusting good. So far. Here are some more pictures of our littlest miracle. By the way, here is some information about what she had, which is call Pulmonary Hypertension.

Her name means "gentle", but that's not how she fights!

2009-11-02T15:15:00.003-06:00

Well, today started off with even better news than last night's. We got to her bed side at around 7:40 am and the nurse was just about to take some blood to check the gases. Once those results came back (which only takes about 3 minutes or so), the doctor said they will remove the tube! YEAH!!!!

She did very well and when we went back around 10:15 am after breakfast, they let us hold her! I can't tell you how wonderful that moment was! We took so many pictures, you'd think we were new time parents! (I will download more pictures once we get home) And they have started bottle feeding her. The doctor says it is easier to monitor her while sucking on a bottle than it is while nursing. Plus, nursing takes a bit more energy. But they will allow me to start nursing her tomorrow. You can bet that I will be there at 6 am to start feeding her! I figure the earlier I start nursing her, the sooner we can go home. I also got to wash her hair this afternoon. It still had meconium in it and tomorrow, when they take the line out of her belly button, I can give her a complete bath. The nurse said it was very nice to have a parent be as competent as I was. I told her I have had some practice at this baby thing. :0)

The children can't stay here at the House with us for there is not a room big enough. However, we decided that we really need our children down here with us, so Adam left at about 1 pm to go and pick them up. We received a voucher to rent a hotel room for 2 days. I will stay here at night and Adam will take the children to the hotel with him. That way, when I need to go over to the NICU at early times, I'm not leaving anyone here alone and he doesn't have to get the children here so early in the morning. It is fine for us all to be here during the day, so we are okay with this arrangement. Not to mention that fact that the beds here at the house are those air mattress beds and when one person moves, so does the other person! Up and down, side to side is what we have been doing all night. So it will be nice for both of us to actually get some good sleep at night!

They should be here between 6 and 7 tonight. I sure am looking forward to seeing them! This is the longest I have ever been away from all of them, for I haven't seen them since last Thursday night. It will be very, very good.

A little time, a little prayer

2009-11-01T21:14:00.002-06:00

Things went well today for little Miss Damaris. When we got here on Friday, the ventilator was breathing for her completely at 80 breathes per minute (BPM) and she was at 80% oxygen (we breathe 21% oxygen normally). Shortly after we arrived, they also started her on Nitric Oxide at 20 parts per million. They were giving her a medication that paralyzed her so that she wouldn't thrash around and struggle to breathe on her own, along with morphine to keep her sleeping.

As of tonight, at 8 pm, she was completely off the Nitric Oxide and was tolerating it well. That means that her lungs were expanding on their own to absorb oxygen and let out the carbon dioxide. The ventilator was only breathing 10 BPM, which means out of 50 BPM, 10 are from the machine and 40 she is doing on her own. The oxygen has also been turned down to 23% and she is no longer on the paralytic medication. She is quite feisty about having that tube down her throat, but instead of just giving her the morphine again and again, her nurse wrapped her up real tight in a blanket so she can't move her arms (I really like that nurse! She was also one of the nurses who took care of Nathaniel, so we remember each other.).

Things are looking really well. Of course, we are not out of the woods yet, but there is much room for hope. It is very possible that they will pull the tube out completely tomorrow, depending on how she is doing and all. Once she is able to do the suck, swallow, breathe thing while nursing, and her vitals remain good, we can go home. No one can say when that will happen, so it's a day by day thing.

I'm doing a bit better day by day as well. I was able to walk on my own to the NICU this morning and this evening. But Adam had to wheel me there in the wheel chair this afternoon. And to tell you the truth, I was wishing I had agreed to it this evening too. We will make the decision tomorrow whether or not the children will come down here to stay with us until we go home with Damaris. Since the hospital won't let anyone under the age of 18 to even enter the building (unless they are a patient), it means that one of us would have to stay here at the House while the other goes and see Damaris. Obviously, if I still need to be pushed over there, I'm not strong enough to walk over there on my own. Adam could be the one to go over until I'm stronger I suppose. Also, if they take the tube out tomorrow, it's possible we might be home as early as Wednesday. If that's the case, then I'm not sure it makes sense to bring the children down here just to turn around and go home.

I suppose some might wonder why we want the children here in the first place. The truth is, is that Adam and I are having a hard time figuring out what to do with ourselves. At the moment, we can't hold Damaris, touch her much or even talk to her much. We fix food for ourselves and play the games we have, but those things only last so long. Then what do we do? So, we figure having the other children here will be good for us and the days won't drag on so much. It was the same way with Nathaniel, I needed to have them here with me. So we shall see what tomorrow brings. Each day, she is looking better and better, and so it the prognosis.

THE LORD IS GOOD!!!

The newest Dewing

2009-10-31T09:45:00.006-05:00

I did it! I had a baby! Yeah!!! But, it certainly wasn't how we thought it would be. It was actually much better.

When I saw my doctor on Thursday, I was dilated to 2 1/2 cm and she swept the membranes. Not the most pleasant experience, but it was worth a shot. She told us we were on the schedule to be induced Friday morning. We were instructed to present ourselves at the ER entrance at 6 am to start things. We went to our friends house, where the children were during out appointment, and had a wonderful meal. After we left their house, we took the children to another friends house where the children were to spend the night and stay until we come home from the hospital. Seeing that we needed to leave out house around 5 am, we thought it would be easier to have to not wake the children to take them somewhere or have someone come to out house that early. The children were excited (well, Malachi and Nathaniel weren't that keen on it, but that's because of the dogs.) and we left for home.

It was out intention to get up early enough to have breakfast before we left in the morning. But that wasn't to be. I woke around 1 am to use the bathroom and I was feeling VERY crampy. Around 3 am I began to notice that they weren't cramps anymore, they were regular contractions. But I didn't look at the clock, for I had done this many time before and figured they would stop just like the other ones. I laid in bed for about 30 minutes, then decided to get up and walk around, for they were getting to uncomfortable to be in bed. I was sitting in my rocking chair in the boys room when I realized that they were getting heavy enough for me to have to breathe through them and they were relatively close together. I sat there through about 5 of them. Right after the 5th one stopped, I went into our room to look at the clock. Just about 1 minute after coming into the room, the alarm went off. 2 minutes after that, I had another contraction. I waited through one more contraction, then I let Adam know that they were 3 minutes apart and were quite heavy. I never did get that breakfast.

Soon enough, we were in the van and let me tell you, laboring in the car is horrible! We got to the ER just before 5 am and told them that I was in labor. We were admitted to the labor and delivery floor and I got strapped down with the monitors. The contractions were still coming 2 -3 minutes apart and soon after we got there, I told the nurse I needed something for the pain. I could feel my body tense up and I just couldn't control it enough to relax. She said okay to that, but I first needed to get the IV in to get the anti-biotic going (I am Group B Strep positive). Getting the IV in wasn't an easy task and I think it took about 45 min. to finally get it going. The plan was for them to give me a shot of Nubain once the IV was going and that would take enough of the edge off while the epidural guy got his stuff ready for me.

Well, since it took so long just to get the IV in, I was on the monitors long enough that they could see the baby's heart rate wasn't all that great. The doctor didn't want to give me the Nubain just yet, for the medicine could cause the baby to be sleepy and decrease the heart rate even more. I was still 2 1/2 cm at 6 o'clock and Adam decided to call his mother. The doctor checked me again at 6:40 am and I was at 5 cm. Adam's mother got there just before 6:50 am. The nurse wanted me to get some oxygen, thinking it might help the baby's heart rate. She told me it might make me a bit nauseous and about 10 seconds after she put the mask on me, I was throwing up. At the same time, I felt my water break. It took me a minutes to tell her, for I was a bit busy emptying my stomach. At this point, the doctor came in and the nurse told her that the oxygen probably made me throw up. I new better, and so did Adam and his mother. I had done this before with Grace. I was dilating very quickly.

About 7:10 am, the doctor put an internal monitor on the baby's head and said I had just a lip of the cervix left to go. That's 5 cm in 30 minutes. I was lying on my right side and I said I need to push and I begged the doctor to let me. She said I still have a bit of a cervix left and that pushing at that moment wasn't a good idea. My body didn't listen. The nurses began to scramble to get things in order, for they didn't think it would be that quick. Nobody did, including the mother! I pushed during the next contraction on my side. Someone (I think it was Adam), pushed/pulled my onto my back. As the nurse was trying to break apart the bed, she said I needed to pull myself up. I'm not sure how that got accomplished, but it was. With the next contraction, I was pushing again. Oh my word, did that hurt! The burning sensation was like nothing I have experienced before. After that, my body wasn't waiting anymore and just took over. I kept pushing and little Damaris McKay Dewing was born at 7:18 am, October 30, 2009. It took 4 hours and 18 minutes with 3 pushes. 4 hours! That's amazing when you consider my history! And no drugs!

Adam, for the 6th time in a row, was right: we have another girl. There was meconium in the bag of waters and it turns out that she aspirated some of it. I got to hold her for about 30 seconds and they took her to the nursery. Her oxygen levels were not that good, so the doctor was keeping a close eye on her. In the meantime, it took about 6 hours for my heavy bleeding to stop. There were blood clots that couldn't come out of the uterus and was causing my uterus to keep contracting. The doctor had to get them out by hand. Once they were out, the bleeding slowed way down and I felt much better.

Later in the afternoon, we were told that Damaris' vitals weren't keeping steady and that she was being transferred to the Marshfeild NICU. Having gone through stuff when Nathaniel was born, that was not what I wanted to hear. She left in the helicopter around 5:30 pm, with Adam and I arriving around 10 pm. Since I had lost more blood than was normal (a normal birth looses about 400 cc. I lost 1000 cc), it was against her judgment as a doctor to discharge me. But as a mother herself, she said she'd want to go with her baby too.

We went home quickly, to get clothes and other things. We talked to the doctor here at the NICU and he said at that time, she looked good and her stats were stable. When we got here, we learned that around 8:30 pm, it was decided to intibate her. She is now on the ventilator and is getting Nitric Oxide to make the capillaries open and absorb oxygen. The meconium in her lungs are causing her to not absorb the oxygen very well.

So, here we are. Once again, in Marshfield with our newborn in the NICU. I know God has a reason for all this. Perhaps one of them is to testify that Nathaniel is doing so well and it's all to the glory of God. My doctor made a comment that sweeping the membranes obviously helped. But that's not true. I believe labor started on it's own when God knew we wouldn't try for a home birth. Between her breathing problems, my bleeding issues, being 40 minutes away from the hospital, and having to wait for at least 15 minutes for an ambulance if it was needed, He knew that it wouldn't be good. It's not all that great now, but it sure could be so much worse. And that prayer of mine that He would break my water? Yeah, that wouldn't have been good either, for it broke 28 minutes before she was born.

We were planning to bring our children here with us, for we are staying at the Ronald McDonald House. But we were informed that as of yesterday, the hospital is not permitting anyone, under the age of 18 and is not a patient, to even enter the hospital. I'm still not strong enough to walk much, so it would have been impossible for me to go see her while Adam stays with the children. Adam could go over while I stay with the children, but I need to pump for her food. So it was decided that it would be best, for the time being, for the children to stay where they are. We will probably still be here by Monday, and at that point we will decided what to do with them then.

Obviously, this story is not over yet. It's only just begun. I will update as much as I can and some day, hopefully very soon, we will take out precious baby girl home.

The beginning of the end

2009-10-29T06:22:00.002-05:00

It's with mixed emotions that I write this. Things are just not panning out like I had hoped, planned for and dreamed of. For whatever reason, and the Lords knows why, this child is not meant to be born at home. I am now in my 43^rd week and nothing has happened. Adam and I were going to meet with the midwife today (Thursday) and if things hadn't of changed, we would consult a doctor. Adam and I got to thinking that there wasn't much sense in waiting 24 hours or so to call the doctor. So we went in to see one yesterday and it turns out that I have dilated ½ a cm since 38 weeks (which is the last time I was checked internally). And that I was 50% effaced, but not because my cervix has been labored on. More likely because I have had children before. Which means all these contractions that I've been having off and on for the past 4 weeks have been doing absolutely nothing. Yeah, not very encouraging.

We then proceeded to have a biophysical profile (ultrasound) to check on the amniotic fluid. The movements on the baby are good, we even saw her/him wiggling their big toe! At this age, they want to see the child “practice” breathing with the diaphragm moving up and down for at least 30 seconds. This didn't happen. However, the doctor and the technician said this is not unusual and that it doesn't mean the child can't do it. It just mean that in that window of time they were looking for it, it didn't happen. The fluid was another issue. On a scale of 1 – 20 (20 being the best and 6 being in the danger zone), I was at a 7. We are not there yet, but we are defiantly borderline. On we went to an NST (Non Stress Test) where the baby did okay, but not real great either. The doctor wanted to see the heart rate up at least 10 bmp above the base line when the child moved. It happened twice or three times, but that's it. The heart rate did go up with movement, just not as high as he wanted to see. He said we barely passed that test.

I will be seeing my own doctor this afternoon, who is also on call this weekend. She is a bit more hyper about things then other doctors, including the one I saw yesterday. So Adam and I are anticipating her to want to induce me tomorrow (Friday) morning at the latest. Depending on what happens during my appointment today, it could be tonight. We have talked about it and while it's not what we want, it is probably for the best. There are risks for a woman like me to be induced cold turkey, with nothing happening. For one thing, they can only give me pitocin, since I have a scare on my uterus and they can control the amount of pitocin that goes into my body much better than the other ways to induce labor. Yes, I've had pitocin before, but I have always been in labor already and it was used to speed things up. Never to start things. And there is a point where they have done all they can do, if I'm still not progressing like I should be, we are looking at a c-section. I know there are worse things that could happen, but I seriously don't want a c-section again! If it comes down to it, and there is a medical reason to perform one, I won't fight against it. Just like I'm not fighting against being medically induced now. However, I'm also not so young to take what the doctors say just because they said it or because I'm being pressured into something. I know how my body is with labor and if I can't be the advocate for myself that I need to be, Adam sure will be. If there is not a medical reason for doing something, I won't necessarily consent to it.

My midwife agrees with all that is taking place with the doctors as well. She said that if we still wanted to pursue a home birth, she wouldn't abandon me, but she's not real comfortable with it either. If both the doctors and the midwife are saying something needs to happen very soon, I would be quite selfish and negligent if I allowed my desires and dreams to come before the welfare of this child. And I suppose even myself. I'm not sure how long the process will take or how it will end. But the end is in sight and when I start to get sad about how things have turned out, I try and boost my spirits with that. I'm not sure if it's working, but it's worth a shot.

If any of you ladies have had experienced a medically induced labor, I sure would like to hear what to expect.

When dreams are dying

2009-10-28T06:43:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had a dream, a close one to your heart, that you've had to let go? A dream that you carried around with you, not being able to explain why it was important to you, just that it was? That's where I am right now. I've carried around the dream of having this child at home for quite awhile. There are many factors going into why this dream started and why it's important to me. Those reasons, however silly or not understood they are, are still valid and worthwhile. But it appears that it's just not to be.

I'm not giving up hope just yet. But I'm forcing myself, for obvious reasons, to realize that it is very possible that a home birth for this child is just not going to happen. Now I've always known there was no guarantee that a home birth was going to happen. Life is not perfect, things go wrong and it certainly doesn't always come out as we had hoped/desired. So I have always kept that in perspective (well, as best as I could anyway). And now here I sit, it's October 28 and the baby was due much earlier in the month. There's not much left to do.

I guess you could say that I've started the grieving process. Not because I've thrown in the towel on this one, but because I need to emotionally and mentally prepare myself for the very likely hood of a hospital birth. I know that most people would think "so what?" to having your baby in the hospital. There are certainly worse things that could happen and you have a baby in your arms at the end. These things are true. It's just painful when you realize that a dream is dying and will not come about. I've always said, through out this pregnancy, that God is in control and what His will is, is what I want. I'm not going to insist that God necessarily cares where a child is born for the most part. But in this instance, He obviously knows something that we don't and perhaps He knows it would be best for the child, and maybe me, to not have the birth occur at home. I have to allow that possibility, for why else would my body stop and go, stop and go so many times? Yes, this has been the pattern for the other childrens births, but never to this degree. It's not that contractions won't start, it's that they won't keep going. Something is stopping them.

So I'm beginning to let it go. I'm still grieving and I'm still hurting that this could end in the setting I was trying to avoid. My time is not up just yet, but it's running out very quickly. I still trust Him, though. I trust that He knows what's best, regardless of my dreams and desires. I'll continue to hope that this child is born at home until the very end, for all mothers know that labor can begin at any moment and for any reason. But I won't hold on to it so tightly that if Monday rolls around and we still haven't had this baby, I'm not able to handle it.

Time out

2009-10-27T10:26:00.002-05:00

Because both ultrasounds gave an estimated due date of October 7, my midwife is going with that date. So that would make me officially 43 weeks Thursday. That translates into "you're running out of time". If the baby is not born by Thursday or Friday, then she says we should consult a physician and ask to have an ultrasound done to make sure the baby is fine and all. I saw her last Saturday and she did a Non Stress Test (NST). The babies heart was fine and movement was normal. So is my blood pressure, heart rate and the urine test came out normal as well. But if we go to see the doctor, they will defiantly try and pressure us into an induction. Or they could just flat out refuse to do one if we refuse an induction. If there was a medical reason for one, I would not fight it. But if there isn't one, I do not want a hospital birth. I have had 5 of them and while most people probably would not understand where I'm at with this, I don't want another one. But it may come to the point where, medically or not, we don't have a choice.

I don't know what's going on with my body. Last night, I went from 9:30 pm to 7:40 am having contractions every 10 minutes. So why did they stop? It's not that contractions won't start, it's that they won't keep going! I have tried to find someone who sells the Black and Blue Cohosh tinctures (they are herbal tinctures that have been used for centuries to induce labor. They are the herbal comparison to Pitocin.) However, because they are used only for labor inducement, no one keeps them in stock. Yes, I could order them on-line, but it would take a week to get here. I don't think I have a week. I only know of one person who actually has the stuff, but she is not my midwife and she keeps that for her own patients. I think a kick-start is what my body needs, but without the tincture, I don't know of anything else that would work.

I am taking Evening Primrose, Golden Seal, Black and Blue Cohosh (in the pill form) and a B complex. The part of the plan in the Blue Cohosh plant that causes contractions is not water soilable, so taking the pill form is a very slow process. They recommend you start taking the pill form in your 38 weeks, since it's such a slow and gradual build up. That's a nice thought, except I'm not in my 38th week.

What do I do? I know if God desires us to have this child in the hospital, then that's what should happen. But if that is the case, then why did He give both Adam and I peace about the decision to have a home birth? I suppose I could understand a misunderstanding with myself, for I want a home birth enough that I could easily only see my desire and not His. But Adam? He's not like that. He is so level headed and not easily swayed by his (or mine) emotions. How did he get it wrong? I just don't get what God is trying to get to here.

Why is my body stopping and going, stopping and going.....getting my hopes up, just to have things stop? I was becoming convinced that this time was for real, for the contractions kept going all night, even when I was trying to sleep. And they were hard enough to wake me up each time. I'm ready to pull my hair out. I am so frustated with all this stuff. I suppose some might suggest that it's time to give up and go to the hospital. I can't explain why it is so important to me to have this child at home, with my midwife and not be hooked up to so many medical gagets. I'm at a loss at to what is going on and to why.

I told my mother-in-law that this has been the hardest thing, emotionally, mentally and physically, that I have ever gone through. It has been harder than all that went on with Nathaniel. I know there is a reason for all this and I trust God to know what He is doing. He is in control, I have no doubt about that. I am not going to give up and begin to doubt Him. I know He loves me, that He wants the best for me, and is in complete control of my life. Perhaps there will come a time where all this will make sense. In the mean-time, I can't help but fight off the despair that comes with thinking my time is up.

43 weeks

2009-10-24T08:02:00.002-05:00

We are heading south to see the midwife today. She doesn't see patients on Saturday's usually, but since I'm 43 weeks along today (according to the October 3 due date, anyway) she wants to check up on baby and I. So we probably won't be there at church tonight, but we'll see. It will be nice to get out of the house. I've been awake since 2 am this morning and I've been out of bed since 3:20 am. I'm thinking I'll take a little snooze in the car.

I really never thought I'd have to go this far. The idea never entered into my head. But here I am and I'm not feeling too bad. Aside from not sleeping for the last 2 or so weeks and having to visit the bathroom at least once every hour, that is. But that's par for the course. I am ready to be done, though. Actually, I'm more than ready. We'll see what God has to say in the next few days.

My grateful list

2009-10-23T10:05:00.005-05:00

I'm trying to keep my mind in a positive frame today. I slept really, really bad last night. In fact, I think I went to bed rested much more than when I woke up! But still, I'm trying to have a good attitude today. So I'm thinking of positive things. Here's what I've come up with so far:

1. Tomorrow I will be 1 week away from being pregnant for 11 months. The elephant is pregnant for 23 months. I'm grateful I'm not an elephant.

2. I don't have the doctors pressuring me to have an induction.

3. My husband is home on vacation and is being so wonderfully supportive to me!

4. I spend so much time in the bathroom, that I've come to realize that I hate it. It has Pepto Bismol pink flowers all over it. Yuck! This has renewed my desire to give it a make-over.

5. When labor does happen (people keep telling me that it will. Are they right?), I'm not afraid of it. I'm looking forward to it. The pain and all. I'll embrace it with all my gusto.

6. I'm grateful for the lessons that the Lord has taught me through all this. They have been important, needful, and good. Even though my flesh has desired to play hooky from this class, I am glad I'm in it and hopefully I'm getting a passing grade. I will be just as grateful and glad when class is dismissed.

Okay, so with some of these I'm reaching a bit. But at least I'm reaching....

And yet another day...

2009-10-22T12:12:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to say all is fine here in Waiting Ville. Yes, that means still no baby (outside of Mama, anyway.). I'm doing much better, just as I was yesterday. 2 days in a row, that's good these days!! I finally have that peace again that I had a few weeks ago and that I have had sporadically throughout these last 2 weeks. That's a nice feeling indeed.

A bit of an explanation

2009-10-21T12:58:00.002-05:00

Good morning!

I thought, since I have received some questions, that now would be a good time to explain our position on having a midwife and why we are choosing to not to intervene and help labor to start.

I have nothing against doctors. Having children like Malachi and Nathaniel who have had medical problems, that's obvious. Because of my experience with Nathaniel's birth, and other reasons, I want to avoid the hospital scene if at all possible. Of course, if something arises and there is a need to go there, I will not fight it. If it needs to be done for someone's safety, then it should be done. But I don't think I'm there yet. The baby is moving just fine, I have no swelling, my blood sugar is perfect (for hypoglycemia) and I know my blood pressure is fine. The only things is, is that I'm medically considered "overdue" ( which, by the text book, is 42 weeks or more.) and while it's a pain in more ways than one, there is nothing medically wrong with me. It's all very possible that if left the it's own device (meaning no medical intervention to keep things going), my other births would have gone like this as well.

"Going" this far is really not that unusual, at least not in the countries where midwives are primarily used. In our country, where doctors are used more,it is not that common simply because I believe the doctors heavily suggest,if not tell you strait out that it will happen,that things get started, even when it's not time. There are certainly times when interventions like that are needed, for either the baby or the mother. If there is no medical reason for it, I don't agree with that practice.

The only way to get labor to start (using synthetic drugs), for someone like me who has had a previous c-section, is pitocin. You can't use the gel or anything else, for they are too strong on the scarred uterus and can't be controlled like pitocin. And I can only get so much of it. Other bodies can stand far more of it than mine could because of the scar. After the pitocin, there is only so much they can do before you are looking at another c-section. There is nothing herbal to start labor, only to keep it going, like Blue or Black Cohosh, Castor oil and other things.

To be honest with you, my last entry was while I was having a bad moment. I suppose that didn't give you a fair view of how things are going. I'm feeling much better today. I do have my bouts with negative feelings, maybe even a bit depressed. But truly, for the most part, I'm doing okay. Yes, of course I'd like this baby to be born like 2 weeks ago! :0) But I really trust God in this. I have told Him from the very beginning that I will wait for His timing and I meant it. Sure I have the temptation to take something to see if it work on getting things going, but that seems so dishonest with me. Did I mean that I would wait for Him or not? And this truly is a test to my faith and commitment. I go between begging Him with tears to end this and telling Him I'm okay to wait. It makes me crazy, so I can't imagine what He thinks of me!!

If I believed, or my midwife believed, that there was a medical reason for me to go to the hospital, I wouldn't hesitate to go. But as it is now, there isn't any (and my being impatient for this to end isn't much of a medical reason). Thank you for praying for me and I still need it, for I'm not done yet!! Adam assures me that I won't be pregnant forever and since I have 5 children already, I suppose he's right. :0)

The wilderness

2009-10-19T20:06:00.002-05:00

I have many things to say today. But I don't have the energy. However, I will pose two questions:

Why would God allow a woman to become pregnant, yet continually refuse to let her give birth?
And why would God give the appearance of starting things, only to stop them time and time again?

If anyone has the answers, I really need to hear them.

(I know the character of God. I know the abundance of His love is beyond our comprehension. I know His goodness endures forever. These things, and more, I believe with all my being. But this knowledge doesn't cancel out my human emotions. It doesn't make my inability to find joy today any less real. I am thankful for things today, I really am. But I'm not joyful. Nor am I hopeful. I just don't have the ability to be so. I'm only human, after all. And while I know that there will be good coming from this and there will be joy again (perhaps tomorrow) in my heart, it's a bit of a wilderness today. This too, shall pass. But until it does, I feel so empty. I've gone from feeling numb to weeping in a few seconds. I don't like this place. But when you have your hopes dashed multiple times, I'm not sure where else you go. I'm not giving up on God or my faith. True, it's being tested at the moment. However, I don't doubt God's intentions (no matter how much I don't understand them). It's myself I doubt.

I suppose I'm not putting my thoughts and feelings into words very well. Perhaps this is the reason for all this: to be joyful in times of trouble. If that's the case, I failed horribly today. I believe God won't give us more than we can handle, so He obviously knows far more things than I do about myself. I feel so broken. So empty. Why? What about this process is breaking me so? What is it about all this that is causing me such disparaging emotions?

All I can do is shrug my shoulders. I don't know anything. I just know this how I'm feeling. They are true and real feelings that I am being honest with God about. So much for not saying much, huh?)

Why?

2009-10-17T14:02:00.002-05:00

Why is this waiting thing so hard for me? I'm not in pain. I'm not having any physical difficulties ~ aside from the normal "very pregnant" discomforts like not sleeping well, baby moving without much room in there, bending over and not be able to breathe....you know, those types of things. But over all, I don't have any issues. I'm not even concerned with the baby being too big. Malachi was my largest baby weighing in at 8lb 6oz, which I don't consider a big baby. None of mine have ever had the cone shaped head nor have I ever pushed for longer than 20 minutes. Based on that, I believe I have ample room for a "large" baby to pass through. Of course, the longer this baby is in there the larger it has the potential to become (which I think it will be around 9 lbs) but still, I'm not worried.

So why is this so difficult? It's not like this is the first time I've waited on God's timing. And it most certainly will not be the last. So why? I don't know. I've been asking this myself for days now and I'm no closer to an answer than I was before. All I know is that it is.

I don't doubt God's perfect will nor do I doubt that what He has in mind is good for me and the baby. Sometimes it feels like He has forgotten me, but I know that is not true. He is here, even when/if I can't feel Him.

And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Romans 8: 26-28

A big sigh

2009-10-16T14:37:00.002-05:00

I'm doing better today, attitude wise. Still nothing going on, but I woke up this morning and decided that this negative stuff really wasn't getting me anywhere. Sure, I still have the same feelings as yesterday (I don't think they'll be going away until this baby is here). But I'm not letting them rule me.

I've never been any good at the waiting game. And while I think I'm playing it much better this time, I'm still not out on top. I'm not sure if I'll be going to church on Sunday. At that point, I'll be 15 days overdue and I'm not sure I really want to see people at that point. Yes, that is assuming that the baby will not be here by then. But that is another thing I decided this morning. I'm not expecting, hoping, thinking, asking or praying for anything to happen today. That way, when it doesn't happen, I'm not back to where I was yesterday. Perhaps that's too much of a cynical way of looking at things, but I think that's the only way I can protect myself from myself.

It seems to be working so far.

How much further do I have to do God?

2009-10-15T18:04:00.004-05:00

No baby yet. Things stopped today. I know this is normal, but I'm getting very discouraged! I have 5 children to prove you don't stay pregnant forever, but this is getting crazy! I know the baby ticker say I'm due today, but that's an adjusted date. My real due date was the 3rd, so that makes me 12 days over. I made the date adjusted because I knew I would go over and I figured it would be easier to put when I expected the baby to be here.

I know in reality that the is a purpose for all this waiting. The birth of this child is not just about me. There is the midwife to consider and I don't know what's going on in her life. There is Adam and his job, which he is now on vacation from and will not go back to work until Nov. 2nd. That's a relief to know he will be home for 17 more days! And there is our friend who has volunteered to come and watch the children while we are otherwise occupied. Adam's mother will also be here and while I know she is keeping her schedule open, who know the things that will pop up for her.

This is all to say that I know the Lord knows all things and His timing is perfect. I do know this and I believe it with all my heart. But that knowledge doesn't necessarily make the waiting any easier. I'm attempting to keep optimistic and I'm still struggling. And to be honest, I'm not sure I really want to pray for patience anymore. For if I do, will that mean this will last longer? I know, perhaps that's a foolish question, but that's also where I am right now.

I'm trying to give up, I really am. And in most ways, I have. I feel very discouraged and defeated. I know that God will not give more than I an handle, but I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I'm holding up, mentally, better than I have before. But I'm still at my end. To face one more night and one more day with nothing happening (that I can tell), is more than I an handle. I know God knows this. And I meant it when I will wait on Him. But truly, truly, I need Him to hurry up!

A little teaser

2009-10-14T15:16:00.001-05:00

I do believe baby will be here soon. Of course, soon is extremely relative. That's all I'll say for now. Please pray for us all here!

Whatever

2009-10-13T08:39:00.005-05:00

This song has been running around in my head all morning. You think God is trying to tell me something? (I'm posting this for the words, not the pictures.)

I made a list wrote down from a to z
All the ways I thought that you could best use me
Told all my strengths and my abilities
I formed a plan it seemed to make good sense
I laid it out for You so sure You'd be convinced
I made my case presented my defense
But then I read the letter that You sent me
It said that all you really want from me is just

Whatever whatever you say
Whatever I will obey
Whatever Lord have your way
cause you are my God whatever

So strike a match set fire to the list
Of all my good intentions all my preconceived ideas
I want to do Your will no matter what it is
Give me faith to follow where You lead me
Oh Lord give me the courage and the strength to do

Chorus

I am not my own
I am Yours and Yours alone
You have bought me with Your blood
Lord to You and You alone do I belong
And so whatever

Yes, two post in one day. Don't get spoiled now. :0)

Some details

2009-10-13T07:50:00.016-05:00

I thought you might all like to see what we have done this past weekend. I wish I had take "before" pictures, but I'm not that good. :0)

This is where the school room used to be. It is now our living room.

This is where our guest room used to be. It is now the school room and sewing room. You can't see in the pictures, but to the right of the table there is a closet and in it is the toy box and a dresser with my sewing things in it.

This is where our living room used to be. This is where "Adam's" kitchen will be. Okay, it's not just Adam's, but it will be the professional kitchen. To the left of the 1st picture, there is a door that leads to the outside and we will be replacing this door and making the opening bigger (it is currently a 30" door). In the 2nd picture, you can see a bench that runs the width of the room and we will be taking that out.

Our kitchen didn't change much, except the table in the sewing room used to be at the end of the counter in the kitchen. We decided not to replace it with another table, for the "extra" room in the kitchen is nice. Our table also used to run the opposite way from the way it is now. I like this better.

And just so there is no confusion on who the real handy man is around here....

He says things change with the wind around here.

2009-10-10T07:20:00.003-05:00

We are in the beginning stages of making our living room ( a large 16 x 20 room) into a professional kitchen for our catering business, Dewings Catering & Confections. That means our living room will be in the slightly smaller front room (15 x 17) and our school/sewing room will be in the guest room (10 x 10). The guest bed was moved up to the girls room yesterday. And today, we will concentrate of moving the rest of the furniture around.

This is an idea we have thrown around for sometime. Now that we feel the Lord is giving us the "green light" on starting a catering business, it seems logical to do this. Okay, so maybe for most people it wouldn't logical. But we are not your average family and since our goal is to make the business a family business, it makes sense (since we can) to put your "work space" in your house. Right? Our living room has a door leading to it from the rest of the house (since it was an add on about 90 years ago), so it would pass inspection for that. That was not a type-o, by the way. Our house is 100 years old. It also has a door leading to the outside, which it would have to have for a inspect-able kitchen. Not to mention the fact that it is a large room.

I will be updating as things go on. Even with all the renovations we have done on this house (about $20,000 worth!), I'm looking forward to this project! The only bummer is that we have already put a couple thousand into this room and now we will be completely redoing it again. Oh well. Such is life.

By the way, if you happened to drive by our house yesterday and you saw a very awkward, pregnant lady on the roof of her porch, attempting to drag a mattress, box spring and frame into a window,..yeah that was me. All is well. I didn't fall off or anything. Of course, I didn't stray very far from the window. But still.... And I must note that this kitchen idea was Adam's, not mine. It seems he's catching a bit of that wind himself.

The white flag has been risen

2009-10-09T10:49:00.005-05:00

I woke this morning to find frost on my windows. The sun shone through the little crystals, making a rainbow pattern on the still empty bassinet. And as I sat on the bed, I looked at those patterns and thought of how beautiful they are. What delicate lines and vibrant colors come through such ordinary frost particles. The same kind of particles that make us aware that winter is just right around the corner and that also cause us to take more time scrapping off our car windows.

That's when it hit me. I'm just as ordinary as those particles clinging to my window pane. Except, I'm not clinging to glass, I'm clinging to my Lord. I began to wonder, when people look at me, do they see a beautiful pattern shinning through me? Or do they see someone who is struggling, trying to hold on with her own strength and miserably failing? Do they see ordinary lines and ugly shapes commonly found when life seems bleak and dead? Or do they see colors that only the Master can create and can only come from Him? In essence, do they see me or do they see Him?

I know that I am nothing and nothing still to look at (after 10+ years, I still can't see what my husband sees in me. I suppose that's a good thing! :0) ). I am rough. I am odd. I am ordinary. I am simple. But with the Master's hand, I am and will be, made into something beautiful. This transformation will not be without pain or discomfort. It will not be without struggles or confusion. It will be in a time of clearness with understanding and in a time of fog with little to no understanding. I realize that this is one of those times where I am being refined. Perhaps even tested, if you will. With this knowledge, there is only one course of action for me to take. It's time to raise the white flag and surrender. Surrender to His will, His timing and His goodness.

Rolling River God
Rolling river God, little stones are smooth
But only once the water passes through.
So I am a stone, rough and granny still
Trying to reconcile this river's chill.

As I feel you rushing by, I know that time brings change
And change takes time.
When the sunset comes, my prayer would be this one:
That you might pick me up and find
That I am a little smoother in Your hand.

Sometimes raging wild, sometimes swollen high
But never have I know this river dry.
The deepest part of You, is where I want to stay
And feel the sharpest edges wash away.

And the beat goes on

2009-10-08T12:53:00.000-05:00

I have always been on who was more of a leader than a follower. You know, walking to the beat of my own drum. Not a leader in the sense of aspiring to become president or anything grand. But a leader in enough ways not to follow the crowd just because the crowd is going there or doing something. Unfortunately, it's also that way with pregnancy. Or rather, when the birth happens.

“They” say that a greater percentage of new moms go before their due date. Not so with me. My first was breech (and I even remember her flipping at 38 weeks!) and she was born via c-section 8 days after the due date. “They” also say that subsequent pregnancies/births are shorter and go faster. Again, not so. With my 2nd child, she was 8 days overdue as well (although my due date had been changed 10 days back, from January 10 to January 1. She ended up being born on the 18th. In reality, my due date should not have been changed, but psychologically, she was 18 days overdue) and it was 39 hours. With my 3rd, he was 12 days late and was 36 hours. With number 4, he was only 1 day late and 17 hours. What a breeze! I was so excited because everything started and ended with a baby born in one day. Then came my 5th child. He, too, was 8 days overdue. Obviously, been there, done that. However, he was 60 hours from the first contraction till he was born. And 43 of those 60 hours were the hard ones where you have to breathe through them. Yeah, not really fun.

So, here I am with this child. I am currently 5 days overdue and nothing is happening. I am doing much better, mentally, than I have in the past. But I'm still struggling. I have never been one of those women who just love being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, with this being #6, I obviously don't go out of my way to avoid it. But I don't just gush at the thought either. I have always had healthy, uneventful pregnancies. But I really like the end, when it's all done and you have a beautiful baby in your arms. In fact, I have always gotten to this point and I look forward to even the pain. Yes, you heard that right. I look forward to the pain. Not because I have some fetish with pain or I'm into proving how much of a “superwoman” I am. The reason is much more simple than that. It means: IT'S ALMOST OVER! And that, my friend, is something to look forward to!

So, that is where I am this week. I'd like to say that my next post will be a birth story, but I won't. That would be too cruel. To myself.

The last one for the year? Maybe?

2009-10-03T21:00:00.000-05:00

We had our last wedding today for the year (that we know of). It went well. The bride and groom were actually on time! I this was the first time we have catered a wedding and the food started on time. I believe it was because the wedding started at 2 pm and the food wasn't to be ready until 5 pm. Either way, it worked out good. I worked alongside Adam and that felt good. The activity was good for me. His mother also helped us and she was a big plus. We also had the children there. For out last wedding, we had someone watch them, but since this was a smaller wedding and it was much closer (plus we did all prepping here at home), we decided to keep them with us. I liked it this way.

Everyone was happy with the food and we are glad it is done. At least I am. Now I can concentrate on having this baby!

I'm tired, so that's all I have to report. Good night.

The Home schooler's Wish List (of sorts)

2009-09-30T09:52:00.002-05:00

These are some of the "wish list" from a homeschooler that I found here. It is not the complete list because I don't approve of all of them (even thought most of these thoughts have gone through my head at one time or another. I just don't have the guts to say them out loud.). But they are said in a way that I think are rude and /or a bit too sarcastic (even for me), even if they are warranted. I am not trying to offend anyone here, so I purposely left them out. You can go there yourself if you are interested to read the whole list. The list was composed of someone who home schools for (apparently) non-religious reasons. Which is fine, it's just not why we home school.

So without further ado, the wish list:

1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to public school.

12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

I'm okay

2009-09-28T13:35:00.003-05:00

We have listend to some missionary tapes called "The Pineapple Stories". If you have never heard them before, you really should try to. They are wonderful! Anyway, Otto Koning (the missionary) says at one point in the story that" he would be a good missionary if it weren't for you people". That's kind-of how I'm feeling today. "I would be a good mother if it weren't for you children." Of course, I have never nor would I say that to my children. But it doesn't mean I don't think it.

Today is not too bad, yet. I'm all caught up on school stuff, things are graded and filed away and I know when they should be ending (assuming we stay on schedule, that is). It won't all be done before this baby arrives, like I had hoped. But that is okay. It will get done. I was thinking that around the beginning or middle of November we will start the next grade, but since Maacah won't be done with everything until October 30, it looks like it will be more like around the first of December. Alright. No big deal. We school all year 'round anyway.

Oh, and I wanted to pass on something to you all. I have found the greatest catering business! They are a family based business and the chef is really good looking does really good food. So if you are in northern Wisconsin and you want to throw a party, but don't want to do the work; call them or drop them a line. You won't be disappointed! (I know, I'm bad. Slap hand, slap hand)

And the water falleth.....

2009-09-26T09:41:00.002-05:00

I'm not doing so great today. I can't seem to stop crying, or at the very least, stop wanting to cry. I'm not in any pain and the baby is fine. I just feel myself falling into the pit where I've been before and I'm terrified. I know from experience that no amount of company, phone calls or talking will keep from it. Only one Thing will.

I know the Lord is with me and will never leave me alone. This I believe with all my soul. And this is the only thing I have to hold on to. I feel like today, that if I hold any tighter, I'm going to choke Him. So I'm doing the only thing that I can do. I'm holding on tight and letting the water flow.

I can't stop it anyway.

This. Is. Getting. Old.

2009-09-25T07:38:00.003-05:00

A little update for those of you who are interested. I'm still here and the baby is still squirming within. The contractions are still here, but to be honest, I'm not even sure if I should call them contractions. I've had braxton hicks that are stronger then these things! But they are stronger than cramps, so what would they be?

Whatever they are, nothing has changed. I was able to sleep last night. Not as well as when I took the Nyquill, but I was not willing to take that again, so I slept on my own. I had a talk with God this morning and I've come to the conclusion that this baby will not be born anytime soon. And I told Him I'm okay with that. For I really am. I did ask, though, that He would make whatever these things are to stop. They are getting real annoying. I told Adam that I'm not going to talk about labor, contractions or any such things today and that we should assume our lives will go on as planned (meaning we will go to church tomorrow night and he will go to work.). This sitting around waiting and waiting for something that is very likely not going to happen is for the birds.

I suppose I sound a bit cynical, but I don't mean to be. I've just gone around and around with this labor thing many times with the other children that I've learned the more I think and dwell on what's not happening (or trying to decipher what is happening), the worse I mentally become. And that really is not a good place for anyone to be. So, I've accepted that I still have at least 2 more weeks to go and I'm submitting to that. I know I don't have much choice in the matter, but I do have a choice on how I will respond to it. And if these contraction-things go on and on and on, well God will give me the endurance and anything else I need, to get through it all. I have five children to prove you are not pregnant forever, nor does labor last forever. At some point, it does come to an end. While I don't want this to go on and on and on and not know when labor will actually produce a baby, I rest in the knowledge that He is in control and He will not give me what I can't handle.

So, the short of it is, don't lose any sleep over me. Don't be sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear what the next part will be. I'm not convinced I'm in labor, so you shouldn't be either.

A friend of mine left this in the comments and I really appreciated it (thank you, Debbie!).

"God gives the best to those who leave the choice to Him." Amen!

The Yo-yo Trip

2009-09-24T17:45:00.002-05:00

So what have I been up to since Monday? If you have a minute, I'll tell you.

I went to see my midwife on Tuesday and all looked well. Her daughter is getting married on Friday, Sept. 25, and so she will be unavailable today (Thursday and Friday). She wanted to see me before she takes her mini-vacation. She has given me the names of two midwifes who will fill in if need be; one is 2 ½ hours away and one is 30 minutes away (but this closer one is not licensed). I told her there wasn't going to be any need for the other midwives since I never go early. Was I in for a big surprise!

I began to notice contractions while we were in the car, around 2 pm. I didn't pay too much attention to them since I have been having those braxton hicks off and on for 5+ weeks. It takes us about 2 hours to get home and they were still coming but they were not hard at all. I could tell they were real contractions because they would start in my back and radiate around to the front. Sometimes they would also radiate down my thighs. So I knew these were real. Plus, they didn't go away with any activity I did. I would stand, walk, sit, lie down, eat, drink, and take very warm showers and they would not go away. They stayed 10-15 minutes apart until around 2 am on Wednesday morning. They moved closer together, 5-8 minutes apart, and stayed that way until around 10 pm Wednesday night. Again, they didn't slow down or go way, but they didn't get much stronger either. I could still talk through them and do regular things around the house.

Since my midwife was going to be unavailable until Friday night, we decided to meet half way between her house and mine last night (Wednesday) so she could check me over and we could talk face to face. It turns out I'm about 1 cm and 50% effaced, with the baby being at about a 0 station (which means the head is about even with the pelvic bone). I was surprised that I was even that far, so it appears all those contractions were doing something after all. She suggested that I take about ¼ of a cup of Nyquill (using the little cup that come with the medicine, not a ¼ cup you use in baking!) to help me sleep (since I didn't get any sleep the night before). It worked nice and even slowed the baby down. That may not seem very nice to say, but as active as this child is, and as tired as I was, it was a nice break. I slept all night and didn't even wake up to use the bathroom until around 6 am this morning! Nice!

Once I got up and started moving around, the contractions came back and they have been hanging around all day. They did get painful while I was on a walk around the block, but other than that they are noticeable and uncomfortable, but not painful. I don't know how close they are together because I'm refusing to watch the clock. Why should I? I spent 30 hours having regular contractions with out stop. I'm not concerned about them today. Does this mean the baby will be here soon? I don't know. I'm not the One in control, God is. And I trust in that. Sure it would be nice to know what's going on (or really, when is it going to end!), but I don't need to know that for me to be calm. I am in complete rest knowing that He is in charge of everything, for He knows what I need and what this baby needs. Maybe my next entry will be a baby story? I'd like that, but if not, I'm okay with that too.

My grandmother spent 48+ hours in labor with both of her children. My mother was in labor for 30+ hours with my sister. But, unfortunately, in the 1970's the protocol was different and since her water had broken on it's own, she said the "doctor's gave up on me" and they prepped her for a c-section. It was also protocol in the '70's that "once a c-section, always a c-section", so my father and her literally chose my birthday. Anyway, all this is to say that there is a definite genetic history in my family for long labors. Nathaniel was 60+hours long. The others were not that long because with Grace and Isaac, I was considered "over due" and even though I was not officially considered in active labor, they kept me and began Pitocin to speed things along. And Malachi...well he was a fluke, with that labor being 17 hours from the first contraction until he was out. But I think I still got Pitocin with him.

Either way, I think going "natural" for me will mean days of labor. But we shall see. I just thought there were some of you who would be interested. And please, don't write or call me asking me how I am or if the baby is here yet. I will tell you. As Adam just said (since he's reading over my shoulder) "Don't call me, I'll call you." :0)

In my weakness He is strong

2009-09-21T09:24:00.003-05:00

If I was any other person, who has had different experiences, I would think something is happening. Well, actually, something is happening, but I would put more stock into it than I am. You see, I started feeling really yucky yesterday. Not sick to my stomach yucky, but crampy yucky. I have been having braxton hicks for weeks now, but yesterday things felt different. I'm not sure if I'd call them contractions, but they were stronger than they have been. They were still all over the place so I was trying to ignore them. I think I have also started losing the mucous plug, but I know that it still could be several days to weeks before labor actually starts. Then the tightening spaced out (but they didn't go away altogether) and the cramps began (cramps like when you have your cycle). ALL NIGHT! Needless to say, I did not have a good night. I'm not intending on complaining here, for I know things could have been worse or more painful. Plus, I haven't slept well for over a week now anyway. But it was still annoying to be woken up every half hour (and yes, I looked at the clock. It was every half hour.) and know that it all probably doesn't mean much.

My midwife will not be available this Thursday or Friday and even though she has a back up midwife just in case, I really don't want a stranger at the birth. I'm sure the other lady is a good midwife and very competent, I just don't know her. So I have been praying, since I learned she will not be available, that this baby doesn't come on those days. Considering my history, we really are not running a risk of that. But now that I'm feeling so crampy, my stomach is so sore and it is painful every time this child moves, I must admit it has me wondering. I'm still not putting much stock into it, but it has me thinking and noticing things. And it has me wishing either things get happening or stop altogether.

I see my midwife tomorrow and I will talk to her about stuff. Again, I'm not putting much stock into the things I'm feeling, for I will not let my hopes up. I have a history of always "going over" and it would be best for me if I concentrate on that happening than on the slight possibility of "going early". I'm just documenting it here because.... well because I can. :0)

I'm praying for patience and the ability to keep going with all of the things I need to do. I feel so crummy that I just want to lie down somewhere. But with the children needing tending to, the meals needing to be fixed, laundry to be done..... I don't have that option. If you are reading this, I covet your prayers today. I really don't want to get into that awful mental state that I have been in before around this stage in pregnancy till the end. I want to be calm, patient, having the ability to wait for the Lord's timing. I want to do so much better than I have before, regardless of what I feel like and how the days go. That has been my prayer from the beginning. Yesterday, I was confident that I can do that. Today, that confidence is wavering.

But the Lord is with me and in my weakness He is strong. I believe that and that will carry me through.

Words of encouragement (for you AND me)

2009-09-18T11:11:00.002-05:00

I need this reminder today. I'm feeling very poorly and my patience is almost non-existent. With 5 children and a husband who's not here, that's not a good mix. This song has been running in my head all morning and it is helping me to keep my perspective. Perhaps this will help you as well.

Count Your Many Blessings

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Refrain

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Refrain

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

Refrain

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Refrain

My latest project

2009-09-16T12:11:00.011-05:00

I have been looking for ways to make our school time a bit more efficient. I wasn't sure what exactly I would do to make it so, but I was looking for idea anyway. Then I came across a post, quite by accident, that talked about making your own chalkboard. And I thought, "Hey! That would be very useful!". There are many times that I need to demonstrate a particular math problem to one of the girls (and now that will included Isaac), someone is often asking me what the date is, there are times I should diagram a sentence for someone, or there are words to write for them (like when they are learning to read) to help them get a concept. I've always done it on paper, but I thought a chalkboard would be even more helpful.

The trick is, chalkboards are not cheap. And I didn't want to use black or the typical green chalkboard paint. Plus, my brother-in-law has used the chalkboard paint that you buy at the store and said it didn't work all that great. So when I also came across a recipe for it, I was thrilled!! And it's really easy and it truly does work.

Chalkboard paint:
1 cup of latex paint of your choice
2 TB of white un-sanded tile grout
150 grit (or finer) sand paper

Directions:
* Mix your desired amount of paint with the grout (they say 1 cup of paint is enough to paint a panel on a door.). Mix very well to get any and all clumps out.
* Paint your surface, making sure to coat every bit of it very well.
* Lightly sand between coats.
* Paint at least 2 coats, more if you think necessary.

I wanted to make it right away, but Adam convinced me I decided to try something a little smaller first, to make sure it works. We had an old piece of ply wood that had been sitting on the back porch for awhile. This really wasn't a great piece to start off with, but it's what we had. And we didn't have un-sanded tile grout only the sanded kind. But I tried it anyway. It didn't come out very well, so I strongly suggest you follow the directions. They say un-sanded for a reason. :0)

The next time I went into Rhinelander, I bought a 10lb bag of white un-sanded tile grout. This worked much better! I had first thought of making two small chalkboards and putting them on the wall for the young children to draw on while we are doing school. But then I saw an idea to make a chalkboard table and I liked that idea better. We bought a coffee table for $3 at a garage sale on Friday, so this was my next attempt. It is low to the ground, so there is no need for chairs (which would take up too much room in our school room anyway).

I sanded it down first, to get the finish off of it (without the little guys on it, of course!). Otherwise, my paint would not stick to it.

Then I started painting it. Adam was real sad that I painted the whole thing, since he's not real keen on painted tables. But I thought it would look real funny to have a painted top and a natural look for the legs. And since I was in charge of this project, not to mention the one doing it all, the paint went on. I painted the bottom in regular paint. I didn't see any reason to paint the legs with the chalkboard paint. I was going to to the whole table in one color, but then I though it would look even better if I put multiple colors on the top. I took a bit longer than it would have if I had done only one color, but I am very happy with the result!

I think the natives are too. What do you think?

Of course, the inevitable happened. But lucky for Nathaniel, his big sister was there to force help him down!

Hello

2009-09-11T11:05:00.003-05:00

Just to let you know that on the days I'm quite, things are (usually) fine. It's just I have nothing worthwhile to say. And if that's the case, then there's not much point in wasting everyone's time, now is there? Besides, since Adam is the one that reads this blog for sure, I already waste enough of his time. At least this way, he can close the window and poof! my words are gone. Too bad for him he can't do that in real life....

I am attempting to make chalkboards for the school room. I'll let you know how they turn out using this recipe. I'm also going to scrounge around for a little table for the little ones. I want to use the chalkboard paint and paint the top of the table with it. This way, the little's can draw on the table while we are doing school. The hope is, this will keep them occupied and not getting into as much trouble as they have been. I was thinking of putting a small board on the wall, but I think the table is a better idea. They can also color on it with paper and crayons as well. But shhh, don't tell my husband about the table..... :0)

editors update: I bought that table and Adam was with me ta-boot! Yahoo! He thinks I'm crazy, but that's nothing new. The table is actually a coffee table that is low to the ground, which is nice since there won't be any need for chairs. I will need to sand the top of the table before I paint it with the chalkboard paint, but that's no big deal. I won't be able to start on it until Monday at the earliest, but that's okay. I'll post pictures when I'm done and hopefully I'll remember to take before and after pictures.

This day will end... but what about tomorrow?!

2009-09-08T12:43:00.003-05:00

I'm tired.

I have a cold. A bad one.

I'm 5 weeks or so away from giving birth. (which translates into "I'm big, uncomfortable and slow at getting started from a stopped position.")

I have 5 active children in my house, who also have colds. (which translates into the question "why aren't their colds slowing them down?")

No one but me is tired or sleepy.

I am currently alone with them and have about 4 more hours until my relief gets home. (not that I'm watching the clock or anything....)

Need I say more?

Oh yeah... one more thing:

HELP!

A little trip, a little rest

2009-09-04T11:26:00.002-05:00

We are off for the weekend get-away with some of our wonderful friends - and some friends we haven't even met yet. :0)

This is the second year that our friends, the Good family, has reserved a camp ground about 50 minutes from us. It's called Camp Bird and it is a wonderful place! They invite many families, where we eat together, worship the Lord and have a wonderful time together. Last year was a blast and I was so happy that they had decided to to it again. I really hope that this become a tradition of sorts. It was very refreshing to see the people we love, yet don't see very often. And to meet new people, too!

So that is where we will be until Monday night. Last year, Adam wasn't able to be there until Saturday night. This year, he has taken Monday off from work and he didn't have the meal at the VFW hall today (they canceled the meal for other reasons), so he can be there for the entire time. Yay!

Oh, our midwife came to our house yesterday and everything looks real well. She even showed me how to feel the babies head and that was so neat! She was pleased, and I think surprised, that we have all things ready and set up for the birth. We have the pool (did I mention we want a water birth? Yep, we do. I know, it's kind-of out there, but I'm real exited about it. Knowing how my labors have gone in the past, I think the warm water will be very helpful!), all the birth supplies have been ordered, we know who is coming to watch the children, Stacy (our midwife) know how to get here, and I'm currently working on what food to have available for everyone. I'm going to borrow one of those large pilates ball from a friend, but not until I'm closer to the end and I think I'll even deflate it. I an just imagine how that thing will quickly become the coveted toy around here!

I think I'm doing a good job between keeping it real and thinking of what I want for this birth. What I mean is, there is no guarantee that we will have a home birth and that I will be able to even use the the pool for the birth or even during labor. Something might happen and we'll have to be transported to the hospital. You just never know. And I know this and I know that this birth and child are in God's hands. He knows what needs to happen and what will happen. I trust that. I rest in that. If we get transported, I will be disappointed but I know it will be for the best. I trust my midwife to make the necessary calls for what needs/should happen. I trust Adam to be the level headed one far more than I will be and to be the one who makes the final decisions. But most importantly, I trust God to be in complete control of any situation that may arise.

I am at peace. And that's a good place to be.

The wonder of God's magnificent creation!

2009-09-01T08:33:00.002-05:00

Would you like to see a tiny fraction of God's incredible imagination? After you see these pictures, can we even begin to guess how much more fantastic discoveries there are out there? And will we get to see them this side of Heaven?

Just think: the One who created those creatures, with just His spoken word, wants YOU in a personal relationship. He wants that to such an extent, that He sent His only Son to die for you, so that He would have a just cause to welcome you into His kingdom. I think that's the most amazing thing of all!

A baby update

2009-08-28T19:52:00.004-05:00

I was kind-of sick today. Nothing too bad, just a bunch of "blah" and feeling quite weak.

I haven't talked much about baby lately, so I thought now would be a good time to do so. Little One is a mover and a groover, that's for sure. S/He is already trying to keep up with her/his siblings! I have very active children and this one is no exception. I have the suspicion that s/he will be bigger than the others have been. Why? Because I'm feeling the movement like I've felt at the very end of pregnancy with the previous ones and I'm only(!!) 3o +weeks. I've been feeling this intense movement for about 3 weeks now and I know that I've never felt it like this before that early. I am bigger than I have been with other pregnancies, as well. Yes, I know that could be because you get bigger with subsequent pregnancies (and that certainly could explain the more intense feelings when the baby moves, too). But I think I really am bigger this time. Yesterday, while the children and I were out walking, I stopped to talk to someone and she said I looked ready to pop. I've never been told that before. Not even at the very end with the others. And I'm not a small woman, so I really must be quite big for 30+ weeks! Most people get a really "I feel sorry for you" look on their faces when I tell them I'm due mid-October. * Although I don't usually get the same look when I tell others that I have about 5 - 6 weeks left, which is odd since It's the same amount of time. I think it's because on the fly, most people don't realize that mid-October is only 5 -6 weeks away.

Over all, I'm feeling well. Big, but well. I'm still able to bend over, but I can't breathe at the same time. I can still see my feet, even though I've never been so big that I couldn't see my feet. I'm still loosing weight, which is a surprise. I've always lost weight during pregnancy, but I've also always began to gain it back once 6 or 7 months rolls around. But so far, the weight is still coming off and I'm not doing anything to help it come off, but I'm not going to try real hard to keep it on either! The going to the bathroom 20+ times a day is getting old, but not as old as the 2 -3 times a night! I know that's par for the course, but since this is my blog, I can complain about it here.

My knees have been bothering me as of late. I'm not sure why, but I have to move my legs in different positions quite often to get the pain to go away. Then it comes back after awhile (or a few minutes, it has been both) and I need to move it again. The pain only is there while I'm sitting down, never when I'm standing, walking or laying down. So I'm thinking it could be a circulation problem? I'm not sure where the pain is originating from: the bone/cartilage or the muscle. That's another reason I've started walking almost everyday with the children. I'm hoping that will help with getting this knee pain to go away, or at the very least, to not be so often.

Is it just me, or do I sound like I'm getting old?

* Because I historically have "late" babies (on average they are 8 days late), I am trying to avoid all the rude and not-so-funny comments that I always get from people once my due date has come and gone with no baby to show for it. It has gotten so bad that the last 2 or so weeks of pregnancy, I don't even answer the phone. Nor do I relish going anywhere. People come up with "haven't you had that baby yet?" or "what are you waiting for?" or, my favorite, "are you still here?" Seriously, do they think those things are really funny? As if the last few weeks of pregnancy isn't hard enough, adding comments like those ones certainly don't make things any easier. So this time around, I have gotten smart. I'm not telling people when my due date is. I'm saying mid-October because: 1.) it is a non-committal way of saying when the baby is due. Mid-October has quite a few dates that it could mean. And 2.) the baby will be here by that time. Hence, I avoid all the stupid comments like the ones above. And yes, the "baby ticker" above displays the mid-October scheme as well (although it's a bit more defined, since to make it you have to give an exact date. But that has gone into the equation as well.)

So here is some real good advice: if you know a lady who is past her due date, DON'T MAKE COMMENTS LIKE THE ONES ABOVE. Trust me, you will be the only one who thinks they are funny. To be on the safe side, don't mention anything about the due date at all. Yes, she knows she is still pregnant. Yes, she knows she is past her due date (which really is blown out of proportion. It is just an estimate after all.). And yes, she is still here. If she wasn't, she wouldn't be standing there talking to you! She is uncomfortable, she is tired of being pregnant, and she is more ready to have the baby then anyone else is. Be nice to her and keep these things in mind.

A quick note

2009-08-24T15:01:00.002-05:00

We made it back safely. Even though we made far more potty stops then we expected, I can't say that I didn't benefit from them. *grin* It worked out okay to put the bed in the back of the van. I tried to sleep while it was in motion, but it didn't really work very well. Actually, on the way there I took a short nap and I was fine. But on Saturday night, sleep was just not happening. I would roll with every turn, I'd bounce with every bump and I was getting the worse heart burn I've had all pregnancy! I finally sat up and asked Adam when he would be stopping. He got the hint (plus he was tired. It was around 2 am after all) and stopped soon after my inquiry. We got home around 4 pm on Sunday and by 6 pm, the van was all unpacked and back to normal. I had hung up everyone's clothes on a rod (that I duct taped to 2 seat belts in the back) and this made packing and unpacking so much easier. This is definatly the way I will pack for trips from now on. Since I hang up all clothes anyway while at home, it was so nice to grab whatever from whomever's closet, walk it to the van and hang it up there. The underclothes and pj's did get in the suitcase, but that means we only took one large suitcase and a smaller one for shampoo, hair things, extra diapers and the like. Plus I was able to do a couple of loads of laundry while in PA, so that made things even more nice once we were home.

That's all I'll say right now since I want to use the remainder of the afternoon to work on writing a 4 week rotating menu for meals around here. I really don't like menu's (actually, it's the sticking to them that I don't like), but it's getting to be a huge hassle come 5 pm and I haven't thought of what to eat. I also like change, and if I don't think of what to eat sooner than an hour before we eat, I tend to make things that are very similar. I've decided that I will make a 4 week rotating menu, but I won't dictate what dish will go when (like meatloaf on Monday, tacos on Tuesday, chicken soup on Wednesday....). I have found in the past that when I do put a dish in a particular slot, come that day I don't feel like making/eating that dish. So I would usually not make it and there goes my menu. So if I put 7 suppers in one week, but not designate them to a particular day (all the ingredients would be bought since they all got on the shopping list), I can make whichever 7 dishes sounds good to me for that day. The stuff is already bought, so there is no added expense; things are already planned, so there is no rushing around at the last minute (for breakfast, lunch and supper); and I still get the flexibility and change that I desire, while my family gets meals that are good (not just thrown together at the last minute) and that are "on time".

I'll let you know how it goes. But I need to go make it first....

An unexpected event

2009-08-18T13:06:00.002-05:00

We are leaving for PA either this evening or early tomorrow morning. A Great Uncle of Adam's passed away yesterday and the funeral will be on Friday, with the visitation being on Thursday in the afternoon and in the evening. We would both rather leave this evening, seeing that the majority of the driving would be done at night. Anyone with small children can understand why that would be a plus! That would get us there sometime mid-afternoon tomorrow (Wednesday) and would allow us some time to unwind from the drive (for we will drive straight through) and to chat with family members. Unfortunately, Adam is working 12 hours today and will not be getting home until 6 pm. He's not sure how much driving he will actually be able to do and I'm not the best night driver. We do have a full bed in the back of the van, so it is possible for us to pull over at some rest stop and catch a few hours of sleep.

It is not decided yet when we will leave, but leave we will. And we will return on Sunday sometime. It will be nice to see the family down there, but I sure wish it was for better reasons! Please pray that we have safe travel.

A chapter in the book of our lives

2009-08-14T07:29:00.003-05:00

Well, last weekend went off with out a hitch. The people who hired us for the wedding were very happy and many people came up to us through out the mealtime saying things like, "We've gone to several weddings this summer and their food was horrible. Yours is fantastic and the spread looks beautiful!". I"ll admit that it's nice to hear that, although I know most of it is because of Adam. I'm just the grunt and the clean-up-girl. And I am totally OK with that. I don't want to be in the spot light, he's fine there. I'm content to stand in the shadows and fix his collar. *smile*

However, since we did have so many people comment on the food (and there was A LOT of food and people!), we are very seriously thinking about becoming license caterers. The kitchen up at the Christian school is available to us and we think the only thing that would need to be added is a separate hand washing sink. The hot water tank may need to be up-graded to a tank less one, since the 40 gallon tank they have now only allows for 3 cycles of the dishwasher before it looses all the hot water. Yes, they make a 60 or 80 gallon tank (I think), but for a dishwasher a tank less one would be the best. Those two things put together (if they are the only things that would need to be changed/added to pass inspection), it would be about $1,300. That, of course, doesn't count the $1,000 it would take to get inspected and to get licensed.

But then, we are in need of a new water heater here at home as well. We still get enough hot water for things we do, but the tank is over 20 years old and it has about a foot or more of build up at the bottom of the tank. We would like to get a tank less water heater for our home here, but they range between $800 and $1,000. We couldn't swing one for both places. Our boiler is another question too. It is over 25 years old and while most don't last this long, it's still working. We are hoping to get at least one more winter out of it. I'm not even sure how much those cost.

The floor in our living room needs to be redone again for the 4th time! We currently have in-floor heat with only the sub floor down. It's about 1" thick, but there are still some spots on the floor where there is some bounce to it. Adam really wants to put down ceramic tile, but that means we will have to re-do the floor completely. Wood is not a good radiator of heat and if we put the tile down on top of the wood, the tiles won't be able to radiate heat as well because of the wood. He's thinking of suspending the heating tubes in concrete (which is a good conductor of heat) and then laying down the tiles on top of that. It's a big project that neither one of us really wants to tackle, but it still needs to be done. I'll admit it, it's a project that I really wish we would hire out. But that is so not possible! The other project that needs to be done is our hard wood floors in the kitchen and dinning room need to be refinished. They are maple and we did the kitchen once before. I really don't want to to it again, but.... they look horrible(!!) and they really need to be refinished and resealed.

All in all, there are many things we are looking at to do or need to be done and with only a limited supply of funds, we are needing so make some choices.

We received a call yesterday with the request to cater another wedding on October 3rd. Yes, we know the baby is due in October and there is a slight possibility that the baby will come then, but it really is a slight possibility (even though the 3rd is one of my due dates). My babies always come late. Malachi was my earliest at a day late and Isaac was my longest at 12 days late. The other 3 have been 8 days late. We are still not 100% sure that we will take the job or not, for even if I am in labor at that time, it's not like we can cancel or not show up. It's for 175 people and the menu is an easy one. Adam will have to prepare to do most by himself, for I'm not sure how much help physically I will be for him. The reception is only a few blocks away, but he will still have to be gone for the majority of the day, if not the whole day itself. I'm not real interested in giving birth (at home for the 1st time no less!) without my husband. On the other hand, this could help fund things we would like to/need to be done. And I'm not really worried that I'll be in labor during the reception on that day. I never have been, but I know that it's always a possibility. I don't know for sure what we will do.

Tomorrow is the centennial celebration since Crandon is 100 years old this year. We are selling cheesecakes and cream puffs, of course. They are expecting about 2,000 people, but I'm not sure how they can estimate that kind of thing. We are selling from 12 noon 'til 10 pm. It will be another long day, I'm sure, but hopefully we'll sell enough (if not sell out completely!) to make it worth it.

Okay, I'm done with my book now. *smile*

City dwelling is not for me

2009-08-02T17:50:00.000-05:00

I'm getting the "moving bug" again. I'm not wanting to move away, just move out of the city. Granted, since Crandon has less then 2,000 people, it probably wouldn't be considered a "city". But it's a city to me. We have lived here for almost 6 years, 5 of those years in this house. I do love this house. It's big and roomy, with plenty of space for all our littles. We have made the use of yard as much as possible, with making raised beds for the garden out back and swing set with a sandbox on the side of the house. We have a garage that is used for storage and a nice big porch that, when it's not packed with stuff, I like to sit on and watch the children play.

So it's not the house that I struggle with. It's the proximity to the neighbors. I really am a "country girl" at heart and I desire so much to be "out in the country" where I can let me children out to play and not be worried that they are playing in the road (where it seems that no one pays attention to the fact that the speed limit is 25mph!). Where we can have animals, such as our chickens, I have always wanted a Jersey cow, where we can have an outside dog (we could have one here, but I don't like seeing dogs tied up to a chain, having to walk them and then clean up after them to keep the neighbors yard clean. Dogs need space to run, as children do, and in town that space is just not present), perhaps raising some pigs for meat and I wouldn't mind having a horse or two. Not to mention we could have a much larger garden, which would be nice with all the growing people we feed. Last, but not least, I would like to have the privacy I need. i love hanging out our laundry on the line, but I'm always embarassed to hang out our underthings, for it's not the neighbors buisness.

I'm truly trying to be content where the Lords has us and for most days, I succeed. But then there are some days when the desire to be out of town is so very overwhelming, it's all I can do to push it out of my mind and not dwell on it. I know the Lord has a purpose for us, I know Adam has a "calling" and what that calling is (I'm already doing what He has called me to do), we just don't know where exactly He wants him/us to be and what He want him/us to be doing for Him. Yes, we are doing things now for Him, but we know (at least for the most part) that the fellowship where we are at is not the one for us in the long run. It is where He has us now and we are learning. But.... it is hard. Living and believing such peculiar ideas/ways, there aren't that many place where we can go and feel comfortable as well as agree with the majority of the churches teachings. Not that other churches are neccessarily bad, it just wouldn't be a good fit. We only know of so many places that fit what we believe we need in a church for our family and all the doors seem to be closed to those places (actually, there is a place in Iowa that we know about, but it's not real convient to "try it out", if you know what I mean.) I'm sure there are other churches around the country that would "fit" as well, but we havn't felt lead to travel around to find a church. Neither are we felt to move our family somewhere else soley because we found a church that "fits". And yet, a church is what we are looking for.

Please pray for us. Please pray that the Lords leads us to where He wants us and that we decern what He is saying correctly. While I would be the one to make hasty, perhaps not-the-best-thought-out-plans, Adam is not. And he will not make a move or decision unless he feels the Lord is directly behind it. I know the Lord will sustain us and He will calm me in this struggle of mine. I just needed a place to vent and to put to words the feelings I have been having. I don't doubt that He will lead us in the right direction. I've just never been any good at playing the waiting game (although, having 6 children, you'd think I would have learned something by now!) Perhaps that is why He has us still waiting, for we need to learn more things before He shows us His plan. I can only guess.

A little catch up

2009-07-28T15:29:00.003-05:00

I think we all survived last week. The children insisted on being "real campers", which meant getting there for excersizes in the morning and staying until "camp fire" was done at night when the other campers were sent to their cabins. I wasn't real keen on staying that late, but we never have stayed that late and I thought it would be a good time to let the children experience it. Of course, we also had Kentuck Days on Saturday (one of the 3 fairs we are selling cheesecakes and cream puffs at), so no one was able to sleep in that day either. We had church on Sunday, which we leave the house at 8:30am for, so all this made for a very long week. By Saturday night, Maacah was not thrilled and she has vowed not to stay that late at camp next year. We'll see.

Kentuck Day wasn't all that great. It rained a good portion of the day, which cut into sales big time. The cream puffs didn't go over as well as we had hoped, but it is unclear whether that's because of the item itself or because of the weather. We are still going to sell them for the centennial celebration (Crandon is 100 years old this year) on August 15, but we're not so sure about after that for Art in the Square in Sept. We made about as much as we usually do selling just cheesecakes, and that includes raising the price this year. For the next fair, we will only sell 6 of our most popular flavors along with the cream puffs. Last Saturday, we had all 10 flavors of cheesecakes selling along side the cream puffs. It will be interesting to see if having less choices of cheesecakes make a difference or not in the profit.

I'm attempting to catch up on the laundry and cleaning that the last 2 weeks has kept me from. I have done laundry, don't get me wrong, for we don't have that much clothing! But it's the sheets, towels, rags and the never ending regular clothing that needs to be done, too. I'm thinking my dryer is on it's way out. It is still drying, sort-of, but it sure does make a lot of noise! I'm hoping that Adam can tinker with it to see if we can keep it a bit longer, yet loose the noise. It's so noisy, that we it stops (after 40 or so minutes of going), your ears are ringing. We needed to replace our washer about 6 months ago and I understand that dryers usually last the least amount of time, so perhaps it's just time anyway. We bought it new when Maacah was born, so 8 1/2 years of using it A LOT, it has put in it's time and then some (for even when we had 1 child, don't forget we used cloth diapers. And they need to be cleaned every 2 or 3 days.). I've been doing at least one load of laundry every day (except Sundays) for at least 2 years now. Needless to say, I need a dependable dryer, but one that doesn't make as much noise as a child would be nice!

I have figured out what needs to be done for the girls to finish school by Oct. 3. My goal is to have all school done before (or by) the time the baby is born. Then, once things are settled and we are in our new "groove" with the newest member of our family, we can start school again in the next grade(s). It will involved doubling up on some lessons and doing a little work on some Saturdays, but I think we can pull it off. If I notice that the load is too much for someone, then we'll back off a bit and either add more Saturdays to the mix or push the deadline back a few days. We would be done mid Sept., but we lost about 2 1/2 weeks of work this summer, so that puts us in the range of the beginning of Oct. That's only 9 weeks away, so in the scheme of things, it's not all that long of a way off.

Which means neither is this baby! Yikes!

I'm busier than a bee and more tired than a newborn

2009-07-19T18:22:00.011-05:00

So, this is why I have been silent this past week and why I'll be silent for this week.

On July 10, we traveled about 5 hours south to cater a wedding for 180 people. The menu wasn't hard and even though it was far away, the tricky thing was that where the reception took place, there was no kitchen. No oven. No stove top. Nothing. So we took an old military kitchen trailer that my husband's father has re-done to include one professional stove, a gas powered refrigerator, 15' of counter space, a hot box and a 2' by 40” flat top grill. It worked out alright and the people who hired us were very pleased.

We got home from that trip late Sunday night and Monday morning started the first week of summer camp that I am annually involved in. It was the senior camp, for ages 13 and up, and we were there all day. I work in the kitchen (Hmm, wonder why they put me there?) and I make the snacks for canteen (although I didn't stay this last week to sell them). Tomorrow (Monday) starts that 2^nd week of summer camp for the junior camp (ages 8 – 12). Our 3 eldest will be involved in this camp for the week (even though Grace and Isaac aren't technically old enough, their uncle is the director and I'm one of the cooks, so it's a perk for them to “get in” early), so the days will be even longer. Non of them will be sleeping over night (as the majority of the campers do), so we will be getting there by 7:30am and will come home around 10:00pm. That makes for some loooong days!

Come Saturday, July 25, we will be selling food at the 1^st of our three fairs this summer. A friend and myself will be selling cheesecakes and cream puffs in one booth, while Adam and his older brother will be selling elephant ears in the booth next to us. That is an all day event, as well. Not to mention keeping an eye on 5 very active, ones-who-tend-to-wander children. But it is a family affair, with the other brother across the walk way selling kettle corn and Grandma and Grandpa usually find something to help with. There is a bit of a contest that goes one for people who want to dress up in period costume (the whole fair theme has to do with the people who came to our town to start with. The majority were from Kentucky, which is why it is called Kentuck Days, and they came around the 1890's. So we always dress up in “Little House” fashion with bonnets and the whole works. I'll send pictures next week.)

I think I have a few good reasons for being so busy! I'm still growing, growing, growing and Little One keeps moving, moving, moving. I've been wearing my running shoes almost every day and while I don't care for the look of wearing them with dresses, my back and legs have felt so much better. I think I'll risk the “fashion no no” a little while longer and still be able to walk with minimal pain. Sometimes comfort much come before beauty!

Here are some pictures of the children, all holding turnips from their garden. Can you tell how excited they are?

Survival of the stubborn

2009-07-08T11:06:00.004-05:00

Well, we're back. And I survived. Did I tell you that we drove to Green Bay (2+ hours south, one way) in Adam's car, with 5 cramped children? No? Hmm, that part must have slipped my mind. I promise it never will again. Whew! Yes, we do have the supper-dupper, extra large,-are we serious! van, but we thought it would be better to take Adam's car because it gets better gas mileage. I've given birth 5 times, so I have been through worse things. But still.... Nathaniel is going through some kind-of stage where he wants me NOW, but as soon as I pick him up, he's changed his mind. Then he gets down and immediately wants back up. We do this a couple of times and then I get tired of the "game" and try to ignore him. But the stinker has figured out he can follow me. This goes on for so many hours minutes and then he gets distracted with something and leaves me alone. After awhile, he remembers that he really wants me and returns to do the whole things over again. So yesterday, except for when he was sleeping and when he was playing at McDonalds, he was screaming for me with his little arms in the air and his hands wiggling. *Sigh* That got old real fast. But he still is kind-of cute, isn't he?Anyhoo, things look good with the baby. Heart tones sound good, I'm feeling okay (for 7 months anyway) and I'm really excited with our decision for a home birth. The more I think and pray about it, the more I'm convinced that it's the right choice for us. Not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with having your baby at the hospital, esp. since the 5 of them were born there. But things are a bit different this time and I'm finding myself actually looking forward to the birth. It's a nice place to be.

I talked with my sister the other day and she said, "So, I hear through the grape vine that you're using a midwife. Please tell me your not planning the birth at home." Hmm, well, sorry, I can't do that because I am planning a home birth (is what I told her). Oopps! I really did have every intention of telling her, and my mother which I haven't done yet, but I just never got around to it. I knew it was something she was going to be against (and my mother for sure!) and I wanted to call and talk with her/them when I had the time for a lengthy conversation. It's not a subject you just drop and then say, "Well, gotta go. Bye!" These days, that time is just not happening. So I'm sure my mother is going to hear back from my sister before me. I guess that's just life. So I corrected her thinking (which was I was having the birth at the hospital with a midwife there) and while she's not to keen with the idea, she realizes that we have put deep thought and long prayer time into this and she respects our decision, even though she doesn't agree with it. That's all I'm asking.

In other news, we finally did school again today. YAY! And I have Maacah's and Grace's dresses finished. I'm about 1/3 done with mine and I have the rest of today and tomorrow to finish it. Can I do it? We'll see....

What a way to start the week.....

2009-07-06T07:35:00.003-05:00

4 of our 5 children are sick with fever, they are all very tired, and some are throwing up. I had 3 of them in my bed by 6 o'clock this morning. By 6:45am, I was being "pushed" out of bed by the 3 year old, hence I'm up now. 3 of them are still sleeping and 2 of them are down stairs with me. As of last night the 5th child wasn't sick, but I have yet to inspect her this morning. So we'll see.

This is great timing. Tomorrow, we are to travel to Green Bay for my midwife appointment and Friday we are traveling 5+ hours south for a wedding we are catering for about 200 people. In the meantime, I need to get the laundry all done by Thursday, get the house cleaned, make a dress for Grace and myself, finish a dress for Maacah (okay, so the dresses are not "needs", but they are really big "wants"), pack clothes and food for this weekend trip, and I was planning of catching up on school. The school things doesn't look like it's going to happen today, esp. with 2 of the 3 students sick. That may not sound like much to do in 3 days (remember, tomorrow we will be mostly gone from home), but when you have 5 littles to tend to, 4 of them being sick, you actually don't get as much done as you would think.

There once was a lady who felt like she lived in a shoe;
She had 5 children, how 'bout you?
4 were sick and one was just fine;
And the school work for both, was getting farther behind.

She woke up that morning, to 3 bodies in bed;
And her tummy was growling, for it needed to be fed.
The sun was just rising, it was a beautiful day;
It was sad she was inside, nursing away.

She was grumbling with her lot, now the week was just starting;
And all of her plans were now departing.
"Of all the weeks," she said to herself;
"Now all of my goals must be put on the shelf."

But a voice made her stop, as her grumbling grew;
"Mommy I love you." and she knew it was true.
The littles are sick and they need lots of help;
But that's no reason to cry and start to whelp.

The Lord gave her children, to love and to care;
For life is not always about sunshine and fair.
To stop and give thanks, is what we're to do;
No matter what life has shown to be true.

Our plans have changed, things aren't as we hoped;
And sometimes we feel quite prodded and poked.
But the Lord is smiling when we learn what we need;
To love a child is to love Him indeed.

The doings of the Dewings, in a nut shell

2009-06-29T10:00:00.009-05:00

I suppose I could wait a few more days and make it a whole 2 MONTHS since I've posted anything, but I figured that would be too lazy easy. And, as most of you know, I'm all about doing the (ahem) hard stuff.

So where have I been? Hiding. No, not really. I'm too bust to hide. Besides, I tried that once and my children got into some trouble because of it (trouble with me, that is.). So I choose not to hide for too long anymore. But we truly have been busy. I can't remember all that has happened since I posted last, so I'm not going to even try. Plus, I'm not sure people are all that interested anyway.

We are still doing school and that is going nicely. It has really helped that I've "backed off" Maacah about when she gets her school done. She still has to get it done before Daddy comes home (or before 5pm, which ever day it is) and she still has a certain number of lessons to do each week (which can change, depending of what is happening that week). She know all this and seems to work better having this responsibility. I'm finding that I'm not biting my tongue as much as I did and that certainly is helping me. We have about 3 more months left of school, for I'm hoping to have it all finished by the time the baby is born. While I'm pretty sure the baby won't be here before October 10, I'd still like to be done with it all by the 1st week of October. But we'll see. And I'm also leading towards starting Isaac in 1st grade when Grace goes into 2nd and Maacah into 3rd. He will be 5 at the end of October and while he may not be totally ready for it, like Maacah and Grace were, going through any more "kindergarten" stuff will not be good either. He's totally ready to move on now.

Malachi turned 3 yesterday. Boy, did that time go by fast! While we didn't do anything specific on the actual day, we did take a trip to Sturgeon Bay and it was really nice. We left on Friday morning and came back Saturday night. On Friday afternoon, we went to Schopf's Hilltop Dairy and that we fun for the kids. It is a dairy that allows it's visitors to view the cows being milked while explaining the whole process of what happens to the milk from the cow to the store. They also have an ice cream parlor on site which make the ice cream right there at the dairy. I think their favorite part of that place was they got to eat their desert before supper!

We stayed the night at a near by hotel, which had an indoor pool. The high light of that was when Daddy got in with his clothes on and swam with us! The children just couldn't get over that "Daddy's swiming with us and he doesn't even like water!". He quite surprised his wife, too. We then ate out at a chinese buffet that was across the street, which I was quite happy with for I have had a hankoring for chinese food lately.

On Saturday, we went to The Farm and the children totally had a blast! It is a competly hands on farm that was opened up in 1965 and it geared towards children. There are many different babies running around the place and for $.25, you can feed the baby goats, lambs, cows or pigs a bottle of milk. You can also purchase bags of corn for $.25 to feed the chickens, horses, donkeys, adult goats and cows. There is also the opportunity to milk a goat, for which the children really enjoyed!
Through out the farm there are old, original log cabins (moved onto the property from around the area) that are set up to showcase how things were done in the days of ore. If you are looking for a neat place for the children, something that is educational and worthwhile, The Farm is the place to go!

Last, but not least, I had spoken in the past about something we were considering for the birth fo this child: having a home birth. Without going into to much explanation, we have decided to go with it. We have prayed and thought about it much and we both feel that this is the right decision for us. I had debated of whether or not to mention this here because I don't know who reads this and there are some who might be reading and who would be completly against it. But I've come to the conclusion that this is not something I'm ashamed of and it's not something I want to keep a secret. For when the baby is born, I want to share the experience here, with pictures and explanations of what occured. So I might as well be upfront and honest about it now, to let those people get used to the idea before they are surprised with pictures and all. I am expecting some back lash about it, but that's okay. It a decision that Adam and I have come to and it's not open to discusion (meaning everyone is certainly entitled to their opinion and we will listen, but the decision has been made.).

The extent of my wisdom (for today)

2009-05-15T07:21:00.002-05:00

Life is a bowl of cherries. And I think I just swallowed a pit.

But I'm still breathing....so far.

This reminds me that my grandfather used to say that if you swallow a cherry pit, then a cherry tree will grow out of your belly button. Since my husband insists that we have no room in our yard for a cherry tree (never mind that if we took down that ugly, straggly pine tree in the front yard we would), this may become my last resort.

Hmmm, something different

2009-05-10T18:06:00.003-05:00

We are having our 6th child. The first 5 were in the hospital, with the 1st being a c-section because she was in the breech position. The other 4 were successful VBACs, successful as the hospital setting goes anyway. With Grace, I received an epidural too soon and it slowed my labor down. By the time I was at the point of pushing, I felt nothing because of the epidural. My mother-in-law and the nurse had to hold my legs up since I couldn't even feel them. I dialated so quickly (I went from 6cm to 10cm in under 30 minutes), I threw up whatever was left in my stomach (they wouldn't let me eat and I had been there for over 36 hours). Her heart rate went down to 60 with the contractions, and so she was born with help from the vacuum. She was gray and not breathing. But I believe the non-breathing part was my fault. A few days before her birth, I took some caster oil to try and get labor going. It didn't work. All it did was give me the runs and gave her the runs, too. There was a lot of meconium in the bag of waters and she had inhaled some of the meconium.

With Isaac, my labor was again long, but I tried to go as long as possible without medication. I didn't want the experience that I had had with Grace's birth. I did, however, get pitocin because (as I know now) I have long labors and I wasn't progressing as fast as I should have (according to the doctors). It was horrible!! For 3 hours the contractions were so fierce that I was having 3 in a row right on top of one another. The next one would start before the last one even stopped. By the time the doctor came in, she said I was looking at a c-section because of failure to progress (they had already broke my water by this time). I was so exhausted by this time that I was okay with a c-section. Thank goodness Adam was in a better frame of mind and said that an epidural was the better option to try first. The doctor didn't like this, for she didn't want to "hear about it" from the anesthesiologist if it didn't work and we ended up with a c-section anyway. But we went ahead and did it. Within 1 hour, I had dilated from 5cm to 10cm and he was out.

By the time I was expecting Malachi, I knew that my body would get to a certain spot and then "stall out". I think it's because I'm not able to relax enough, which is why I dilate so quickly upon getting the medication. With Malachi, my labor was 17 hours from start to finish, but I did recieve an epidural. I was scared of having another labor like Isaac's, so I decided to get the epidural before I got to the "begging for a c-section" point. I think it may have been 3 hours later he was born, but I don't remember for sure. I need to add that with all the pregnancies since Isaac, I have tested positive for group b strep (which is a form of Strep found in that area and could lead to serious problems for the baby if left untreated). So they want the mothers to get at least 1 dose of antibiotics before the birth, which takes 4 hours for 1 dose . It was inconvenient, yes, to be hooked up to an i.v. the whole time, but I figured it was necessary. That is until a friend of mine tested positive like me, had more than the appropriate amount of antibiotics before the birth and her daughter still got the strep and had complications from it. I started thinking, that if the antibiotics are given and the child can still get it, what's the point? (I didn't test positive with the girls because at that point, it wasn't a mandatory test as it is now. I'm sure if I had been tested it would have been positive, and yet the girls are fine.)

Now with Nathaniel, I have already documented his birth and the happenings after it. But to summarize here, I went to the hospital twice before his birth, having regular contractions and with dilation at the beginning. But at some point, the dilation and contractions stopped and I was sent home. On Wednesday morning, contractions began and never stopped until he was born. Even though they were only 10 minutes apart, I had to breathe through them and concentrate very hard through them. I was finally admitted on Friday afternoon at around 3pm. at 4:3-pm, they broke my water and found that, once again, there was meconium in the water. At around 5pm, I received a shot of Nubain and by 7:35pm Nathaniel was born.

All my labors have been monitored, medicated, some-what dictated and defiantly out of my control or say. Not that labor at any time can be controlled, but you know what I mean. I have already been tested for the Strep and am considered positive, even though I was tested before 9 weeks! So I know that the i.v. thing is going to happen. I know that if I'm not in a "progressive" stage of labor, they will not keep me (due to me being a VBAC, they have to have every doctor in the hospital, just in case I need a c-section and that amounts to the bottom line.). I know that I can't labor in the position I desire. And I know that at some point, it will come down to medication because my body, lying down in a bed or even sitting in a chair, can't realize enough to keep dilating.

So where does all this lead to? I have been praying about something for some time, I have been doing research and have come to the conclusion that a home birth is right for this baby's birth. Adam is fine with it and I really have a peace about it. Now we just need to find a midwife that services our area! I am also leaning towards a water birth, but since I need to find a midwife first, I best do that and talk with her first before I make a decision for sure on that one. I told my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws today. My mother-in-law was instantly against it and one of my sister-in-laws was soon following her (the other one didn't say anything). They said that I don't have a good track record in birth (citing Grace and Nathaniel) and that I would be better off in the hospital. Obviously I disagree and while they certainly are entitled to their opinion, this is not up for vote or debate. It is a decision that needs to be made by Adam and I. No one else. And it's not something that I woke up this morning and said, "I think I'll have this baby at home." I have learned through experience, that if I don't have peace about something, that I shouldn't do it. I really believe that this is right for us at this point and that if the Lord has His will in this, then He will provide a midwife. And if He doesn't, well then I know His answer for sure.

I haven't told my mother yet and I can just hear what she will say. But we'll get to that later. For now, I need to find a midwife. Anyone have any suggestions?

Oh, yeah. By the way: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

In a much better mind

2009-05-08T08:01:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it takes awhile for things to get settled in my head. Or, at the very least, for me to get to writing it down! But here I am, just after 7 o'clock, and I'm putting to words the ideas that are rolling around in my head.

I want to take the time, again, to thank all of you who have written to me about my "cry for help" post. Your suggestions have been much needed and it makes me realize that I should have spoken something sooner, before I got to that state. I suppose some lessons in life are not learned as quickly as they should be. Either that, or I'm very thick headed.

Even before I read some of the comments (which all had a common theme, by the way), I began to question why was it so important to me for Maacah to get her work done "on time". I still haven't come up with a very good reason, besides it just is. Maybe it's because I know she can do, for she's done it before. Maybe it's because it would be easier for me, since I wouldn't feel like our daily schedule is constantly interrupted. Or, perhaps better put, is that the things that I wanted to do during the day wouldn't have to get rearranged because I don't feel I can't leave her alone (meaning: be outside while she is inside. I don't mean completely leave her home alone!). Maybe it's because I don't want her to feel "lesser" in anyway when Grace gets her work done in half the time (or less!) than Maacah does. I don't want her to feel stupid or not "as smart" as her sister because she works much slower than Grace does.

And then, maybe it's all the above.

Either way, my pushing and prodding and getting all worked up about it really isn't helping the situation. In fact, it's probably making her feel even more unequal to her sister since her not finishing her work when she should be is constantly being brought up. You see, Grace is very much like me, so I relate to her in a much different way then I do with Maacah. And Maacah is very much like my sister, which I'm struggling to come to terms with. I love my sister very much and I pray for her daily. But my sister hasn't had an "easy time" of it, many of it was of her own doing, and I'm fearful of Maacah going some of the same directions. I realize that Maacah is Maacah and not my sister, just as Grace is Grace and not me. We are different people, who live in different time/ways and so the mistakes of one are certainly not going to be the mistakes of the other. But the concern is still there. I am trying to walk, and sometimes find, that line between guiding her in the way she should go and letting her be her own person. I'm afraid, that because I see attributes of my sister in her, I'm harder on her then I should be due to my fear of my sisters chosen life (I realize that this reaction could very certainly send her in the direction I'm trying to steer her from, but I haven't figured out how not to have that reaction). There are other things, but this is the most prevalent under currant for me.

Through much prayer, and talk with Adam, I am trying hard not to talk to her about "getting her work done in this time frame". She needs to go at her own pace, within reason. She understands that if she needs to take all day to get her work done ( and by "all day" I mean from about 9:30am to 4:30pm, with one break and lunch. That is typically the hours that we are "doing school"), she can. She just won't be able to go outside and play with her siblings, or to crafts when they do or any such activity. She still has the lessons each day to finish. The time frame in which she gets them done is up to her.

Adam mentioned that he thinks she loved first grade because 1. it was new and exciting and 2. she got one on one attention from me. So I am attempting to give her at least 15 mintues each day, during school because that works best, of one on one time. The negative attention that I have been giving her is not what she needs, even if she is getting attention.

I am also attempting to "wean" myself off the idea that I need to be within 10 feet of her while she is doing school. Not that I'm intending on staying away from her and not checking on her for the entire day. But I think it's important that we both learn that she needs to be responisble for how she spends her time and it's not good for me, or for her!, to come from behind and try to move her along at the pace I think she should be going at.

Is this working? Are these things the things she needs? I don't know, for it only been this week and this week is not over yet. But I'm trying them. I want her to succeed in the paths and ways that the Lord has for her. I want her to love learning so that in each new thing the Lord has for her, she is willing. I'm not interested in her being smart according to this world, for the intelligence of this world leaves something greatly lacking. I want her to know that her mother loves her no matter what and that, even through all my blunders and mistakes (for there are many!!), I'm trying to guide her in the way the Lord want for her. In short, I want to do what's best for her, as any parent would. Does any of this make sense?

So, that's where we are. It is currently a few mintues before 8 o'clock. While I didn't intend to be writing this for nearly an hour, I suppose it was needed for the words to be formed and composed. What is it about getting your ideas down in black and white that makes them a bit more real and a bit more understood? Is it any wonder that the "written form" was the chosen method of our Lord to communicate with us?

A smile for the day

2009-05-04T08:22:00.005-05:00

These two videos made me smile. So I wanted to pass them on to you!

*

I want to thank those of you who sent comments about my post "close to the edge". I really to appreciate the things you had to say! Through prayer and many of the reoccurring suggestions, I realize that my focus was on the wrong issue and not on my daughter. I will post more on it and what I'm seeing now, but I need to get my thoughts in order first. Again, thank you!!

A good reminder

2009-04-29T11:05:00.002-05:00

Okay, so this is not the best poem ever written or ever read. But I think it can serve as a good reminder of what our focus should be, how we treat others and how we should live.

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor..

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue."
"Hush, child," He said, "they're all in shock.
For no one thought they'd be seeing you."

Anonymous

JUDGE NOT.

Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a mechanic.

Every saint has a PAST...
Every sinner has a FUTURE.

Close to the edge

2009-04-28T11:39:00.003-05:00

I enjoy having the opportunity to home school my children. I know that many people, here and in other countries, don't have the chance/ability to do this, and so I don't want to take this for granted. I believe that this is where the Lord wants me and I believe that the parents are the ones who should be in charge of their childrens education, not the state.

That being said, I don't think anyone knows just how close I am to quitting. It's not because I don't enjoy teaching my children anymore, because I do. It's the fighting I don't enjoy. Every day, it's a fight with Maacah to get her work done. I've tried everything I could think of to motivate and support her. She's in 2nd grade and while I think she should be doing somethings, she can't seem to handle them. So I have lowered my expectations. I have set the timer for her to get her work done, I sit right by her to give her the attention she seems to need, I take away privileges when she doesn't get her work done on time, she only has 3 subjects a day - reading, math and language arts, we only do 4 days a week, because I have learned she can't handle the 5th day, I've tried being consistent with our scheduling, thinking that would help...all to no avail. She fights me on everything. Every minute, every number she has to do, EVERYTHING!

I can't keep doing this, day in and day out. I can't keep arguing and pushing and prodding and getting irritated. It's beginning to grow from something I love to something I hate. And I'm not exaggerating. I'm being very honest and real here. Now I don't have a problem with Grace or with Isaac (on the occasions he does school). It's only with her.

I will admit that we don't have a great relationship to begin with and this certainly isn't making things any better. In fact, it's defiantly making things worse. When the majority of the day is spent on school, it's hard to separate the teacher/student role from the mother/daughter role. But when the mother/daughter role isn't very good, the teacher/student role is even worse. It doesn't work, trust me.

What do I do? What is there left to try? I've tried so many things in so many ways. I know I'm the adult and my reactions are my own to deal with, so I'm not trying to throw all responsibility onto her shoulders. But I can only go so far and then I'm at the end of my rope. I am so close to tears right now and it's breaking my heart. How many more days, months, years can I do this? When I wake up in the mornings, on school days, I know what's going to happen. I know the wall that I'm going to have to break down once again.

I want to give up. I want to throw in the towel. I want to walk away from home schooling her for good. I want to let someone else deal with it. I'm old enough to know that the things that I want are not always (okay, usually) not good for me or good for those around me. So even though I say I want to quite, I won't. My convictions won't let me.

So where does that leave me? What avenue should I/we try next? My husband is wonderful at supporting me and giving me advice. He's good at telling me the hard things that I need to hear and change. But he's not always here. How to I get the support and reinforcement when I'm the only one here?

I feel defeated and deflated. Now what?

A new look on things

2009-04-26T09:41:00.002-05:00

I struggle with writing something profound and just writing. Unfortunately, my desire to write something profound wins out and so, I don't write anything! It makes me wonder why I have a blog in the first place. I don't think anyone comes by here anymore, except for my husband, so I'm rethinking of having one right now.

The reasons I started this thing was for my children to have something they can look back on to see how our life was and things that they did. I also started this thing to give me an outlet to write, for I do like to write. But they won't have much to see, since I don't write much here anymore, would they?...... Sigh. I don't know......

How about this: I'm going to try and write a little bit everyday, about our everyday. I've never been good at keeping a journal, but there are some blogs that I read and they do a good job at recording the lives and antics of their children. I really like that idea. So I am going to try and be diligent and record their doings (no pun intended) and the pictures that we take along the way. They are all growing up soooo fast and I feel like I missing half of it!

Please notice, that I said "try". This was my intention in the first place and you can see how good that has gone so far. But I will step it up a bit and really try this time.

The farmers' want-to-be

2009-04-17T20:40:00.003-05:00

It was about 70 degrees today. So very nice! We still have a pile of snow/ice next to our garage, but that is normal. It is where there is the most shade and it is also where the snow is dumped from off the garage's roof. You'd never guess what we did last weekend. Go on, try to guess... Can't come up with anything? Okay I'll tell you.

We bought chickens. 25 chickens, to be exact. They are between 6 and 7 weeks old. They are a mix of Buff Orphingtons, Bared Rocks and Black Australorps. We were hoping to house them here, with the understanding that all we needed was the permission of our neighbors. But we were wrong. One our neighbors either asked, or complained, and someone came from the county to our house to tell us in person that chickens were not allowed in the city. Period. So, change of plans. We will be housing the up at my in-laws house. We still get the benefit of laying chickens (hopefully we will get about 2 dozen eggs a day with 25 chickens), but not have the convience of them in our backyard. We will have to go up there, about a mile away, each day to collect the eggs and to water/feed them. Oh well. It's a small price to be paid and there are no hard feelings. For this is their neighborhood too.

It will be good for the children, too. It will help with some of their fear of animals (even a Chiwawa scares them!) and will help teach them to be responsible for something other then themselves. They will still be here at our house for one more week or so. Then they will be transffered to their "new home".

We have built a chicken tractor for them to live in and it looks real nice. It has been warm enough during these past 2 days that we have put them outside for a part of the afternoon in the chicken tractor and they really like it! They fly around, strutting and chirping! "Freedom!" they seem to squwak.

Adam has also built a 2-bin compost system that is quite large and is stands right by the back door. I like this spot because we can easily open the door, take a few steps and "dump". No fuss. No mess. Things that simplfy my life are goods things. (I suppose some would say that having many children is not in the catagorie of "simple". But we won't go there...)

Today we built a 6' x 8' sandbox for the children. I've asked Adam for this for awhile, so I'm real happy it's done. The sand will be delivered on Monday, so then it will be finished. I'm also asking Adam to build the a swing set, but he hasn't agreed to this, yet. I'd like it about 8' high so an adult could swing on it if they wanted too. I'd like it about 10' long so we can have 3 swings in the middle and baby swing coming off one side. On the other side, I'd like to put a slide there. Nothing fancy, mind you, just better and sturdier than the metal bent one that is rusting in the backyard. The issue for Adam is it will need to be made with 8' x 8' and they will have to be cemented into the ground. I don't see what the big deal is, but since I'm not going to be doing the brunt of the work, I don't want to push my luck. It has taken 2 years tp get that sandbox built. We'll see about this swing set. Although I do have the perfect place for it where I can see and hear the children very well....

Top 10 reasons not to give up

2009-03-16T06:30:00.002-05:00

I found this list and it aptly sums up what we believe. And it is a good reminder for yours truly when the going gets tough.

A pro-active lifestyle for my children. My children learn that education is not something they wait for someone else to impose upon them or deliver to them.

A lifestyle based on my beliefs and values and not on the prevailing dogma of politicians, public school advocates, special interest groups, etc.

Self-definition. One of the greatest attributes of very early Americans, one that characterizes very few other peoples of the world, was the determination to define themselves and the future and not let a government do that for them. Homeschooling is the ultimate choice for true freedom.

Positive social skills: leadership, kindness, humor, empathy, helpfulness, reasonableness, reverence for life, cooperation, selflessness, joy, good work ethic...all the things that are discouraged, intentionally and unintentionally, by state schooling.

Discernment and wisdom. A child constantly tested, evaluated, graded, judged, labeled, passed or failed, and defined by others never learns to judge and control himself much less exercise wisdom in his judgments of history, government, and the people around Him.

Purpose. Ultimate purpose--not pleasing the state with the gift of my children and my effort in making them comply and conform but pleasing God with the rearing of my children to strive after him.

A safety net for others. The day will come for thousands of parents when public schooling will not only serve their children poorly but will become a crisis for them. Those who have fiercely practiced the freedom to homeschool will make up the support system that will free these parents and their children from their prison of dysfunction.

Liberty. Many of America's founders believed that our "experiment in liberty" would set the standard for freedom around the world and offer hope to millions of oppressed people, and it has. But we are giving away our freedom--the final devastating act of this giveaway is the surrender of our children to the state for their intellectual, social, and moral formation. The rest of the world watches and despairs. To choose homeschooling is to offer hope to the persecuted and afflicted the world over.

Trust. I teach my children that they can trust me to do what is best for them even if it's hard for me, and that I will not turn my back on them or turn them over to the state because the going gets tough.

Love. God gave Himself for His children. Can I do less for mine?

Things have changed for the better

2009-03-15T15:03:00.002-05:00

I was beginning to think I forgot how to get here! There are have been so many things that have changed in our household, that I'm not even sure of where to start!.... I suppose I'll start at the beginning (a very natural place to start, I'm sure).

About a month and a half ago, it came to our attention that somethings needed to change within our family. The Lord opened our eyes to see that Adam and I were spending too much time on the computer and not enough time with our children. So we turned off the computer and we didn't turn it on unless the children were not around. We began to use the time we otherwise would be spending on the computer with our children. Reading to them, singing with them, playing with them... and it has worked! Things are not perfect, by any means of course. But things are better. That explains why I have been so absent here. It is also explain why I am no longer writing for the Company Porch (the on-line magazine that I wrote a column for each week).

Since about January, I have been in quite the "funk" emotionally. I was thinking it was a bit of depression due to the winter. I was really struggling with handling things around here. Or, as the case truly was, not handling things around here. I was so irritable, impatient, unreasonable, grouchy .... and any other negative adjectives you can think of. So we decided to take a family trip down south somewhere where it was warm and sunny. And we did. It was a wonderful time! It wasn't restful at all (for we slept in the van), but it was a relaxing time. On our way back, we stopped by a friends house for a good time of fellowship. Nothing was really said during that time, yet the Lord opened my eyes to a few things.

First, things for school needed to change. You know when you get to that point where the clutter and things in your house start controlling you? That's where I was. And I certainly was not looking forward to coming home, with or without snow. Adam and I began talking and came up with a plan on what to do about the clutter. Most importantly, on how to reorganize the school to work better. That's what I did this last week. I de-junked the downstairs to where I can think and breathe. I greatly decreased to amount of toys and books the children have around (I didn't get rid of the extra things, I just put them downstairs). I re-arranged to living room and for once, Adam agreed that this way looks really nice and "flows" better. I moved things around even more in the school room. So much so that now we have the piano, a craft/lego table, the school table and a table set up for our sewing machines (plus a metal shelf unit for all my sewing stuff). And there is still ample room to walk around!

Second, my attidue needed to change. I realized that it wasn't depression or anything like that. It was my attitude. I was discontent. You see, for that last 2 years or so, the Lord has been working on my to let go of this house and having the famly near. I am at that point where I can say "goodbye" and be fine with it (okay, I might shed a few tears, but you know what I mean). So now I'm waiting and waiting and the Lord is not doing anything (that I can see)! And I began to be discontent. I don't want to live here anymore, I'm ready to move on, we are both burned out from the comuting back and forth for work (Adam) and church (all of us), and so on and so on. I was in a really bad state. I realized that I need to be cheerful and willing to be where the Lord wants my to be. Not just in words, but in my heart too. So I wake up each morning and I thank the Lord for giving us this house, this town to live in and that I am content to live here no matter how long it may be. This last week has been so good! And I only have Him to thank for it!

Thirdly, we needed a daily schedule. An hour by hour schedule. I naturally resiste schedules, but I came to the point where I could see that as we add more people to our family, as my list of responsiblities grow, as the children's needs for school develope, all the while still wanting/needing to do things through the day that I want to do (like sewing), a master shedule is desperatly needed! So I created one and I am actually looking forward to putting it in motion (did I really say that out loud?!). I think it will really help in getting school started on time, to getting meals done when they need to be done, the children will know what will happen next and I can get to that sewing that I've been iching to get to for quite some time! (We are changing somethings within my closet and Maacah's closet. I will also use some new material called Triopical Breeze and I can't wait to use it! I am also making the girls some new swimsuits that are not exactly like the pictures, but close.)

There have been other things too, but these are the major ones. Adam and I are still limiting our time on the computer, so I think I've used up about my weeks worth now! And I think that's about it for my book!

Here and there and everywhere!

2009-02-21T11:49:00.003-06:00

I know it may seem like I've neglected this corner of mine for a while, and, well.... I suppose I have. But for good reasons. Adam and I needed to take some "computer time" break while at home here with the children. We have done so and I can really see a difference in things. So that explains my absence.

For the first time ever, I'm getting nauseous when I wake up in the morning until I go to bed at night. There are worse time during the day then others, but the feeling never really goes away. I know that since this is the 1st time in 6 pregnancies that I have felt this way, I don't have much to complain about. But I'm just not prepared for this. It has put my exercising on hold until if passes (although I am happy to report I've lost 13 pounds!).

We are going on a trip, from February 28 through March 8. I am so excited about it! 10 days!! We will see St. Louis, MO, but beyond that, we're not sure. We are outfitting the 15 passenger van to accommodate us sleeping, eating and basically living in it for the whole time. We have taken out the last 2 benches and Adam made a bed frame to fit in back there. There is storage space underneath and there will be 1 twin mattress and cushions on top for Adam, Malachi, Nathaniel and I to sleep on. Maacah and Grace will sleep on the remaining 2 benches and Isaac will sleep on some couch cushions on the floor. Okay, so it's not the Hilton. But it allows us to sleep some-what comfortable and to go on an 8 day trip. Otherwise, we couldn't afford the hotels. It's the same with the food. We have bought a large converter and (hopefully), we will be able to run some small appliances off of it (like the crock pot, electric skillet, toaster, waffle maker and a burner). Obviously not all at the same time or even 2 at the same time. But if it works like we hope it will, we can eat and make most of our food at the van and save on those food bills. We will eat out some, but mostly not.

Anyway, a lot is going on around here. School is on hold for the next 2 weeks. There is still much to be done until we leave. The children and I have doc. appointments next week (so 2 days out of 5 1/2 are shot), there is the house to clean up before we go, food to make and the like that I'm not going to try and squeeze school around all that too. Besides, we all need a break!

I'll touch back later at some point.

You vs them

2009-02-03T14:41:00.003-06:00

Over at Holly's, she talking about something that has been close to my heart for along time now. It's a discussion on why there seems to be so many standards of righteousness with in Christianity. Often times, upon a closer look, it causes more division and pain, then it does unity and healing. In Romans 12, Paul clearly tells us that some are for this office, while some are for that office. In that passage he's talking about gifts and the proper use of those gifts, not neccessarily the standards for living. But I think the same principle can be applied. There is a sweet young lady in our church who is still aching to be a mother after almost 3 year of marriage, while He is blessing us with our 6th child. It is possible that He doesn't have motherhood in mind for her, but that doesn't make her less "righteous" then me. It just means He has different plans for her. And it goes into so many other areas as well. Those who wear head coverings vs those who don't. Those who home school vs those who don't. Those we wear dresses/skirt/jumpers vs those who don't. Those who volunteer many hours vs those who don't..... and the list can go on and on. Not that people in these "camps" are against each other as they would be, say in a basketball game. But we all certainly do have our own ideas and we all have the tendency to think that we are right and others are wrong. Being as I am one of those head covering-dress wearing-homeschooling-no TV with many children kind-of mama, there have been times that I have struggled with this.

There have been times that I look at someone, based on their clothes and say "she's probably not a Christian because she's wearing______" or "Oh, look! She must be a Christian because she's wearing a long skirt/dress". The Spirit is quick to rebuke my with these thoughts, but I still have them. And there are many other examples where my humanness gets in the way and I start judging another.

Which is very ironic, because I know how being wrongly judged by others can wound. Because we do live so different, and look different, many people just assume why we do what we do, instead of asking us why we do something. We would be just fine in explaining why we do a particular thing, but no one ever bothers to ask us. Maybe they would feel uncomfortable, but I would think that assuming something about another is far worse. (I will be very quick to point out that while I can't think of any situations at the moment, I'm sure I do the same thing)

I now many Godly men and women who don't live like us. I often wonder why the Lord has convicted me/us in certain areas, and we can point to scripture as to why we do these things (and in our minds, it is very clear). And yet, He hasn't convicted them or opened their eyes in certain areas as He has for us. It's certainly something I intend on asking Him when I get to His place!

I guess the long and short of it is, is this: wearing a head covering, volunteering, wear only dresses, homeschooling, and anything else that is Biblical you can think of to set you apart from society, are all well and good things to be doing (with in reason, of course. I'm not so sure living like Isaiah would be all that beneficial these days and they need to be things that the Lord has conviced you about. Doing something on your own is not a good thing and it will never work.). But they are not about your salvation. You are not required to do "A", "B" and "C" like your neighbors does in order for Jesus to save you (thankfully!!) These things are about obedience. Are you willing to do what He says? Are you willing to live in the way that He wants you to? Are you willing to go outside of you comfort zone to do His will? Does He really control you life, or is it just talk on your side? Is He your Lord or not? The direction that He take you in is up to Him.

We all know that He is not the God of confusion. So there will come a day when all our eyes and minds will be open and it all makes sense. Until then, some of use will continue to be that much needed outside piece in this puzzle called "life", some will be the can't-live-with-out corners, while others will be the beautiful often times very detailed, middle pieces that are needed to finish the picture. With out them, those strong side and corners pieces would be useless.

Well, there's my "soap box" for the day! *smile* It took someone else's deep thoughts and willingness to talk about them, for me to give you an interesting post. Go figure! I really do have interesting thought of my own and I really do think about these things. I just don't alway have the time to write them out. This post alone too 2 1/2 hours to complete!

Through the years

2009-01-31T16:48:00.014-06:00

I thought it would be fun to post our family pictures that we have taken through out the years.

June 2000. Our wedding picture. Although we were married in March, we didn't get an official wedding picture until June and I was already expecting Maacah.

February 2001. Maacah is about 3 weeks.

November 2002. Maacah is 9 months old.

November 2003, Maacah is 2 1/2 and Grace is 10 months.

November 2004. Maacah is 3 1/2, Grace is 22 months and Isaac is 2 weeks old.

November 2005. Maacah is 4 1/2, Grace is 2 1/2, Isaac is 13 months and Malachi has been known for about 1 1/2 months.

November 2006. Maacah is 5 1/2, Grace is 3 1/2, Isaac is 2 and Malachi is 5 months.

January 2008. Maacah is almost 7, Grace is 5, Isaac is 3 1/2, Malachi is 18 months and Nathaniel is 2 weeks old.

December 2008. Maacah is 7 1/2, Grace is 5 1/2, Isaac is 4 1/2, Malachi is 2 and Nathaniel is 11 months.

Things are looking bright and beautiful!

2009-01-22T08:49:00.004-06:00

Whew! I'm actually here! I have been wanting to come and write for quite awhile now, but I just don't seem to have the time most days. I guess that's good, for if I have too much time to site and write, then other things are not getting done. But still, 18 days for not writing is not something I'm happy about.

Anyways, back to the things I want to write about. This year, in all 22 days of it, is so far a good year. I don't look at 2008 as all that good of a year. Yes, it was good in that I got a son out of it. But that's about all. His birth was not a good one, I couldn't get out of a brain fog for along time because of it and Maacah's school suffered for it greatly, Adam and I went trough a serious soul searching time about where God wants us and where He doesn't (that's not quite over with either), we had a short, extremely not restful "vacation" to Idaho....It's not that I haven't made my blunders and bad mistakes already this year, because I have. But, for the most part, the choices I've been making really have been good. Such as:

* we are doing school regularly now. I realize that that statement might leave you saying "huh?" because, of course I'd be doing school regularly. Well, not really. I was last year, in Maacah's first half of 1st grade. Then Nathaniel was born and everything went out the window. I just could not get myself back into the swing of things. It seems like I was in a fog until about mid July. I tried getting back into the habit of school and our schedule, but I couldn't. So, somewhere around May, I gave up and school "ended". Come last August, I got serious again and we got back on a schedule. Maacah still had the second half of 1st grade to finish up and Grace started 1st grade. But even then, things weren't great and they weren't consistent. After the first month or so, school wasn't getting done every day and their math was even less. I was greatly discouraged, knowing all was my own doing. About the end of November, Adam and I had a good talk and he told me point blank that I need to make school a priority in our daily schedule. By not doing so, I am doing great harm to our children. Not only in the school aspect of it, but also in not teaching them, and showing them, the importance of having a schedule and being disciplined enough to stick with it. So I made myself become disciplined and we having been doing school for about 2 months now consistently every day (well, there have been a few "off" days, but nothing like it was!). Math is getting done everyday we have school and I can really see a big difference in their math skills(duh!). It feels very good to make the choice to be disciplined in this area that I'm not naturally strong in. I'm making the right choice for my children and for myself.

* I have been getting up early (6:15am) each morning since January 14 to exercise with "walk away the pounds". Now this is truly a break through for me. I am totally not a morning person. But I've made the commitment to myself, to my family and to my mother that now is the time to change the way I have been eating and the lack of exercise that I haven't been doing. I am so thankful to the Lord for this, because I know that this determination and the will power that I have been having is from Him and not from myself. I have been getting up each morning this week (Saturday's I'm not getting up early, but I am doing the walking. And Sunday's are my day's off for the walking and for the eating.) and calling my mother. She's been doing it with me and that is really helping. This morning was the first morning that I was really tempted to roll over and forget about my alarm. But knowing that my mother was counting on my to call her and get her up,... that made me get up and get things going. My body was really sore this morning, but I walked to 2 miles anyway. Less than half way through, I was ready to quit! But because she was on the phone with me, doing her video, she talked me through it and I am so glade that I finished it! My muscles are still a bit sore (I did a 2 mile walk Tuesday morning, then a 3 mile walk Tuesday afternoon. My body is still suffering from it!), but I'm still thinking of doing the 3 mile this afternoon. I'm really on a roll here and I want to take advantage of it to the fullest extent that I can (on this side of killing myself, that is!). It occurred to me the other day that if I lose 5 lbs. a month, it will take me app. 18 months to lose all that I want to lose. And you know what, I can do that. I have ready lost 7 pounds, so I'm 2 ahead for this month. This fat of mine has been given it's eviction notice. Good bye and good riddance!

* I have already stated that I'm not a morning person. I'm even less of a person who handles money well. We have a monthly budget, as most people do. Over the years, I have proven that I'm inadequate at keeping within the budget. So, at some point, Adam took over doing the shopping. But I still had the check book, and later the check card, which tempted me to go to the store and buy things that we didn't need, but wanted. So we still were never under, or even right on, budget. It was still my fault. Recently, with the Spirit's prompting I think, I "turned over" my check card willingly to Adam. Now I have no means of going to the store and buying something. And I can already tell that this is a good thing for me. I don't have the temptation to make the wrong choices. It was painfully obvious that I couldn't resist the temptation, even when it came to getting everyone bundled up, into the car and over to the store for things that were not necessary. I still have the credit card for emergencies, but that is not a temptation to use, so I think things will be much better because of this. And it needed to be me doing something, instead of Adam demanding something.

Okay, so I guess I've made up all the words I could have been writing since the 4th in this post! Sorry about the book, but I warned you that I have had much to say. I can't promise when I'll be back to write, but it's safe to say that I'm very well and things look bright.

Can you believe he's one?!

2009-01-04T22:20:00.002-06:00

Today is the day, my friends. He's 1 year old today. So much has happened in the last 12 months that it's unbelievable. If any of you don't know how our Nathaniel came into this world, go here for part 1, (there are 10 parts to this story, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10) to read from the beginning. He is doing so well and we can only thank the Lord for it. I am so thankful the Him for watching over us through this last year.

We had a grand time today with the family. This also happens to be Uncle Benjamin's birthday (he is Adam's youngest brother). We gathered at the grandparents house for the party. We had sub sanwiches, chips and soda for lunch, then we all put on our snow stuff and went sledding! Well, okay, only one birthday boy went sledding. The other one took a nap. But it was still fun and a great time was had by all. Including yours truly. I told people that this is the first time in a long time that I wasn't nursing anyone nor was I expecting anyone and I'm going to take advantage of this! It was cold but oh so fun!

My little guy is in the Father's hands, just as my other children are. Just as I am. And that, my friends, is the safest place to be.

Happy Birthday Nathaniel!

PS psst, I'm over here too. Come walk with me!

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me

2009-01-03T21:17:00.006-06:00

Okay, here's the deal. I'm fat. Not the "how is she ever going to fit through that door!?" kind of fat. More like "yes, I can tell that she has had 5 children." Never mind that I looked like I have had 5 children the day of my wedding, 8 1/2 years ago (and for the record, my oldest will be 8 in February. So I'm clear of that one). I've always been "large". My family are all large people, except my brother who has taken Ridlin since he was 4 and he will be 16 come March. But that's a different story.... My older sister used to be thin, but then she had 4 children .... and I must admit that that makes me feel a little better. Okay, a lot better.

But either way, I'm just not comfortable with myself. Now I'm waaaaaay beyond all that "I need to lose to fit back into my clothes" stuff. Because I've always been this size, so I have no smaller clothes in my closet. Besides, I'm a mother of 5 children, remember? I've never been a "teeny bopper", nor will I ever be. So I'm not uncomfortable with myself because I'm not a size 4. Or even a size 14. It's not about my size in clothing. And you know what, it's not really about the numbers on the scale either. It's about how I feel. It's about me being winded just going up the stairs, let alone when I carry a child. It's about me not playing with my children at the park because it's too much of an effort to do so. It's about me setting a good example for them. And they're going to need it. They need it right now. It's about me wanting more children and being concerned what the added weight is going to do to my body and health.

We don't eat very bad around here. We eat our fruits and veggies daily. I try to get them fresh, at least the fruits, but the veggies are usually frozen. We don't eat tons of bread (I don't like sandwiches), but grains are a part of our diet in other ways. We like rice, past and potatoes. We do have meat at least once a day, but that is not the majority of the meal. And we don't have an abundant amount of sweets, either. And even though I love to bake, I try and not have too much of that around. My hardest problem (aside from getting in the necessary exercise and that my metabolism is near non-existent)? Portion control. I eat way too much at one sitting.

So, here's the deal. Over at Amy's, she's having an impromptu "weight loss accountability...thing". She also is having a "diet diary". While I'm not intending on dieting because I want to make this a way of life for me, I am going to join all the ladies (and one man, I think) in this trial. She is doing this for 12 weeks and is encouraging all that those measly 12 weeks can really do something for you. I agree. I can do 12 weeks worth of consistent exercise and scalling down my portions. I know many people have said that cutting out the white flour and sugar really helps. And it probably does. We haven't had white flour in this house for a long time (we bought a grain mill a few years ago and we mill our own wheat berries when we want some flour) and while I do use white sugar, I don't think the amount the we eat is harmful (going on what I said previous that we don't eat alot of sweets).

Here is what I'm going to do: I have "walk away the pounds" in DVD and I will do that while it is still not-nice to go outside. I will strive to eat at the same time each day. I will eat less than I have been eating (at each meal). I will have only 2 sweets a week (from one cookie to one piece of cake to one bowl of ice cream. They will all count the same.). I will drink at least 20 oz of water a day. I will measure and weight my self every other week (the measuring is very important, for you can lose far more inches than pounds). And I will write here about how I am doing and I will be honest; from if I slipped up and ate something I shouldn't have to how much I weight/measure. It may not be every day. But I will update on how I am doing, in the hopes that it will keep my accountable. And perhaps some of you might join me. I'm going to be very real and transparent. I'm even going to take a before picture and post it. (How's that for daring?) And let me assure of one thing: if I can do this, anyone can. I know that's become a cliche these days, but it's true.

I'm desiring to be more healthy, not skinnier. I'm desiring energetic with my children, not more attractive (for I am already attractive for my husband. That's all I need). I'm desiring to be a good example for my children in all that I do, not just in word only. And I'm ready to make this commitment for the right reasons, with the right perspective, and with the correct help, for I can do nothing without God!

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philipians 4:13

Life Means So Much

2009-01-02T10:58:00.002-06:00

Life Means So Much
by Chris Rice

Everyday is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there’s plenty of room for writing in
All we do and believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessings?
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketching?

Everyday is a bank account
And time is our currency
So no one’s rich, nobody’s poor
We get twenty-four hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest or squander?
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who’s under?

Has anybody lived who knew the value of a life?
And don’t you think giving his own
Would prove the worth of yours and mine?

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
Somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much

Copyright 2000 Clumsy Fly Music (ASCAP)

Bringing our requests to Christ

2009-01-01T16:04:00.003-06:00

We sometimes fear to bring our troubles to God, because they seem small to him that sitteth on the circle of the earth. But if they are large enough to vex and endanger our welfare, they are large enough to touch His heart of love. For love does not measure by a merchants scales, not with a surveyor's chain. It hath a delicacy....unknown to any handling of material substance.
R. A Torrey

Let us all strive to keep this in remembrance at this beginning of the new year.

But, of course, no one will ......

2008-12-30T19:35:00.003-06:00

I have nothing to report and too much to say at the same time. I know, I haven't been writing lately (really, I didn't forget that I have a blog). It's just .... well .... I don't feel like I have much that is worth saying as of late. I read these other blogs that have such inspirational things to say and witty stories to pass on. While I'm here, convinced that no one wants to read about our life.

* I get up, get everyone dressed and down stairs. I cook breakfast, clean up breakfast. Get school going while also getting the laundry going or chasing a toddler or changing a diaper or this, that and the other thing.

* Then lunch comes and repeat the "cooking" and "cleaning" part of breakfast. Then we sometimes are finishing up school or still doing the laundry or some cleaning or I'm attempting to get to some projects that's been neglected. All the while I'm still chasing toddlers, changing diapers, breaking up fights, searching for bottles/sippy cups, answering those pre-recorded telemarketers, and trying to keep some semblance of order in the house.

* Then comes 4:30 pm or so and it's time to start something for supper. This is the time of day that my mother refers to as "the arsnic hour". It never fails, there is always a screaming child that wants me to hold them while I need my two hands to finish supper. This is also the time that I get some time to do the dishes from earlier in the day. Then, about 6 o'clock, Adam comes home and I'm still trying to get supper done and on the table. We eat, followed by our family devotions, which can easily take an hour or so.

* Once that is finished, the children have their jobs for the night: Grace sweeps the kitchen and dining room floor, Isaac goes behind her with a wet rag to get the spots on the floor (trust me ya'll! This is the only way my floor stays "clean". I just don't get to it with hot water and mop as much as I should.), and Maacah washes the supper dishes/pots and pans. This is where I try and finish up all those jobs that didn't get done before supper (you know, like the laundry that hardly ever gets done in one day because my dryer takes 40 minutes to dry one pair of pants. Wanna guess how long it takes to do 7 peoples laundry?), but there still isn't enough time.

* 8 o'clock is bedtime (at least in theory) and I look forward to this time. Once the children's teeth are brushed, the boy's clothes laid out for the next day and they are in bed, Adam and I sit together in our bed and read a book together. It's about the only time we have to "connect" with one another. After about 30 to 45 minutes, it's lights out.....

* And I get up to do it all again the next day....

So you see, nothing really spectacular happens. Except if you count Grace getting her 4 bottom front baby teeth pulled at the same time as getting 4 fillings, which happend in the dentist office that is 1 1/2 hours south of us and I had to drive there in a snow storm with 5 children all by myself. Or if you count Adam and I getting food poisioning last weekend from eating something we knew better not to eat. Or if you count a little man's 1st birthday coming up this Sunday and his mother can't stop thanking God that he is still here and doing so well. Or if you count 4 children having 3 different doctor appointments in the same week (one here in town, two-in-one in Rhinelander and one in Wausau) because sometimes, "group" appointments just aren't possible. Or if you count having to rip up our living room floor to try and find a leak. Once the leak is found and is stopped, we realized that the previous ripping up of said living room floor really wasn't neccessary. And upon further investigation, one wall in said room is moldy and literally falling apart (only 3 feet up from the floor, though). So the ripping up of said floor is neccessary and so is the removing and replacing of instilation and drywall (which, of course, leads to the tapping, mudding, texturing, painting and stenciling of said wall sections). Or if you count part of the heating pipes in the downstairs deciding not to work (when we are in the middle of the living room project, no less) and they need to be attented to ASAP. Or if you count a part of the pipes that are under the dining room floor to freeze and poor Adam has to go into the crawl space (which barely has room to crawl in) and try and unfreeze that section of pipe.

Hmmm.... what does your life look like?

As my granmother is fond of saying, "Ah...so."

2008-12-21T21:46:00.005-06:00

I have been busy. Very. Busy. I'll give you a synopsis later, but for right now I need to go to bed. We have to leave early tomorrow and travel down to Wausau (about 1 1/2 hours south) for the children to visit the dentist. I usually take them up here, but Grace needs to get in now and they don't have an opening up here until January 22. So we are going tomorrow. And my mother-in-law is going with us. That will be so nice!! Another one to chat with and another set of hands! Woohoo!

(Grace has her permanent teeth coming up right behind her baby teeth. They are about half way in and her baby teeth are not lose. Not even a little. So we will see what they say and what they will do.)

If you'd like to see and read more of what we did today, go to my side bar and click "The Company Porch". I have written about it there (although it won't be published until Tuesday, but really early Tuesday.) I do suppose that this running, running, running will pass someday. And I suppose that someday I will look back on these times with fondness and perhaps with a bit of longing. But for now, it's "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....." and "they're worth it, they're worth it, they're worth it...."

Early this morning.......

2008-12-09T13:42:00.007-06:00

Rub-a-dub-dink! A baby in the sink.

What's the rush?

He's eating your tooth brush!

Yum!

Baby Mozart, anyone?

2008-12-08T20:41:00.013-06:00

Well, I suppose I should post something, at the very least to let ya'll know that I'm still alive. Really, I am. I'm too tired to be otherwise.

This last weekend we had our annual Christmas play, so we were busy with practice for that all last week. It went fairly well. There is rumor that the play will be put on the
Mission site and if it does, I will link to it. Because I just know ya'll are dying to see me make a fool of myself on stage.

We are busy with school, of course. I'm finally getting my act together and we are doing school every day. Yeah, I know. That sounds like a real dumb thing to say. But it's a long story. And the short of it is, is that we were not doing school every day (meaning week day), but we are now. Does that ever feel good!

I realized earlier that I haven't updated about Nathaniel in a while, so I thought I'd fill in the space here to do so. He's doing real well. He's 11 months old now (can that really be true?!) and he has been crawling all over the place for about 2 months. He has been pulling himself up for about 1 month and he has just started walking along things. "Just", meaning TODAY! He's another tall boy, but not as stocky as his brothers. But he's not a stick, either. I think it's near impossible for my husband and I to have a "slender" child. These are some recent photos of a child who is too tall for his mother's own
good!

HeHe!

2008-11-27T13:22:00.003-06:00

You know, when you're dealing with a woman who loves change, this isn't so bad. It used to be that I would change my hair color and it's style every other week or so (Well, maybe not that much. But it was quite often!). As it is now, I don't color my hair anymore and I haven't had a hair cut in 7 years (I do trim my hair, but I don't count that as a "hair cut"). And I don't go out and buy new clothes all the time to change my wardrobe, either ~ the most I do is when I'm pregnant, I get my maternity clothes out :0) . Besides, have you seen what people are wearing these days?! There is no way I'm going to go out and actually pay to look like that!

So that doesn't leave me with many things to change. I do change the furniture and my husband seems to be accustomed to that by now. He doesn't really care, I think. As long as I don't ask him to do it. And as long as I don't move the computer desk.

That leaves the next best thing: my blog here. So that is the reason it has changed once again. I think this is the 4th change since I began 2 years ago. Well, actually, I began to change it yesterday, but I wasn't really happy with what it came out as. So this is technically the 6th change. But those details aren't really important....

So, what do you think? (that blue button at the top of the page is where I got the background for free. They have many cute designs there. But I choose this one to go with my header picture.)

BTW: We have the Great Turkey Meal tomorrow, at my in-laws. See, I'm not lazy! I have a perfectly good and honest reason for playing with my blog looks and typing a post on the actually Thanksgiving Day. Which all has happened after: school for both girls, sweeping, then moping the kitchen/dining room floor, cleaning out the toy box, doing the dishes leftover from last night, making and eating breakfast, making and eating lunch, changing several full diapers, nursing a baby to sleep, and looking everywhere for more for the Lego horses, yet to no avail. And it's just 2:15 pm...... I need a nap!

And tomorrow is my birthday. Just so you know....